The DP versus The Prince: Who will come out on top?

Even in Biblical terms, Princeton simply sucks Even in Biblical terms, Princeton simply sucksScott Miller, Commentary I could write this little column in your typical high-brow, pompous, arrogant, Princetonian fashion, but you're not worth the time. So let me get right to the point? Princeton, just like a group of Heidi Fliess' women, sucks. You must be so proud. What could be better than finishing off a basketball season with a 40-minute waste of time in the NCAA Tournament, a 13-1 Ancient Eight record and a few filler moments on national television? How about knowing that your basketball program has a future? That is a perk you folks can't enjoy. Next year, just like every year from here on out, the your Tigers will be contenders in the race for second place. Don't be fooled by the press coach Bill Carmody has received about keeping things the same in Pumpkinville. He's used everything Yoda Carill handed to him on a silver platter. And once people start graduating, the losing tradition of Tigers hoops will once again become truth. Enjoy your two seconds in the spotlight. Because it's going to be a long time before that happens again. Just like most Old Nassau grads, the Halloween-clad cagers have no future. We at Penn are all fired up for a game that shouldn't have any meaning. But then again, any time we can watch a good, talented Philadelphia team take the floor, we can't help but get excited. Oh, did I say excited? For those of you who have never been to the Palestra (and I assume that comprises most of the Princeton "faithful"), we don't bring pillows to our basketball games. You see, watching basketball at Penn does not put you to sleep. Novel concept, isn't it? Speaking of the Palestra, can someone please explain Jadwin Gymnasium? I hope that when Bob Princeton founded your school that architectural experiment was already sitting there. Because I can't imagine how anyone, even you Orange and Black morons, would possibly pay cash money to build that monstrosity. Okay, back to tonight's contest, or lack thereof. "Hah! We've beaten you twice in a row," you might scoff. Well, just how many people at Princeton can say they have been witness to that feat? It's been four years since Jadwin has hosted a Tigers victory over the mighty Red and Blue. Well, why don't we just go ahead and make that five years. After all, for Penn, this game is masturbatory (read: well in hand). So, it's another exercise in futility for you folks at Princeton. But for you Tigers, so is life. Allow me close with a little lesson from the Old Testament. "? And on the seventh day He ended his work which He had made; and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had made." Also on that seventh day, He had to relieve Himself; and then there was New Jersey, with Princeton somewhere in the filthy, smelly mess. But that's another story for another time.