State of Kansas turns into big lake

This article appeared in the joke issue. The Associated Press RUSSELL -- In response to the recent flooding in the Midwest, President Clinton yesterday declared a state of emergency in Kansas. "Kansas has become one big lake," Clinton proclaimed. The state has been known as the breadbasket of the nation, but with all the flooding, officials are concerned that the entire year's crop could be lost. This would mean that the United States could be severely hampered in food production for the year. "Without wheat from the Midwest, particularly from Kansas, we won't have any bread, pasta or similar grains to eat. Oh no -- that means no McDonalds' Big Macs!" Clinton said. Former Kansas Sen. Bob Dole expressed his disappointment over the expected downfall of his state. "In a way I'm glad I didn't win the presidency," Dole said. "Then I might have been accused of favoritism by giving relief to my home state. Naa, I was never really very fond of Kansas anyway." Due to the intensity of the flooding, Kansas may cease to exist as a state. The state has quickly gone underwater and officials are debating converting it to a national lake. "I'm in favor of changing the state into another Great Lake, albeit somewhat removed from the others," Clinton said. "Either that or we can just alter the Great Plains into the Great Wetlands," he added.