Rodin says toast tradition's days may be over

After a Yale cheerleader was hit in the head, University President Judith Rodin re-thought the football tradition. After a Yale cheerleader was hit in the head, University President Judith Rodin re-thought the football tradition.This article appeared in the joke issue. For as long as Penn Athletic Director Steve Bilsky can remember, Quakers fans have thrown toast onto Franklin Field. For years, the Penn band has stood up at the conclusion of the third quarter of all home football games and led the crowd in a verse of "Drink a Highball." After the cheer's final line -- "Here's a toast to dear old Penn" -- fans have traditionally risen to their feet and thrown toast onto the field, showing support for the Red and Blue. Nobody knows just how long ago this tradition was born. But Penn alumni learned yesterday that this age-old ritual must be put to death, before the start of the 1997 football season. According to University President Judith Rodin, "the throwing of toast onto Franklin Field violates Bylaw VII, section two of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania's Anti-Riot Code." Bylaw VII strictly prohibits the throwing of any heavy or dangerous object at a public event that risks to injure, disturb or scare spectators. Precedent exists for enforcing this bylaw, dating to 1964 when two men were arrested for throwing snowballs during an Eagles game at Franklin Field. In 1974, another individual was found guilty of violating the riot act, when he dropped a steak knife from the upper-deck at Veteran's Stadium between games of a Philadelphia Phillies doubleheader. Remarkably, nobody was hurt in the incident, as the knife landed blade down in the beer of a man one section below. Nobody, however, has ever before correlated Penn fans throwing toast with a violation of this riot act. "I was rather dismayed last season when pieces of toast struck the Yale cheerleaders in the head," Rodin said. "I had stopped by the field to watch the game for two minutes, and I left thinking that my students were not properly representing the Ivy League Code of Conduct. I hate to be the policewoman, but we have to end this tradition before someone gets seriously hurt." Although Rodin's fellow Ivy League presidents are applauding her decision, other members of the Penn staff were apprehensive that the president's actions will hurt the University. "We had a good kid joining our football program next season," Bilsky said, regarding Matt Rader, the transfer quarterback from Duke. "But he recently informed us that he does not feel the new environment will be conducive to his football needs." Rader will visit Northwestern next week. He is also considering attending SUNY-Binghamton, SUNY-Albany and SUNY-Ithaca, as well as returning to Duke. There is little chance that he will ever take a snap at Franklin Field. The ban on toast is only the first of Rodin's "Eleven Points for Athletic Respectability" to take effect. The other points, which are still pending the signature of the elusive Provost Stanley Chodorow, include everything from a poetry performance by the Kelly Writers House at halftime of next season's game with Towson State to the prohibition of the song "Drink a Highball" at all sports events. "'The Red and Blue' is a great song for showing Penn pride," Rodin said, "But, 'Drink a Highball' has got to go. The song condones drinking and, even worse, highballs. Penn students have become aware this year that alcohol is a powerful drug. Penn students shouldn't sing in jest about getting drunk." Rodin plans to use Penn security to escort any fan out of Franklin Field who violates the Eleven Points. If problems persist, the Quakers will either forfeit the season, or play all their games on the road -- like Princeton will do next season as they renovate Palmer Stadium. Critics say this new policy will not only reduce student moral, but also leave Greg Graziano unemployed. Graziano -- a fixture on Penn's campus who has operated the machine that removes toast for the past 22 years -- will need to find a new line of work, since Rodin plans to donate the machine to the University of Nebraska, where there is an ongoing study of agricultural technologies. A group called the Friends of Graziano, led by Carla Schultzberg are moving to repeal the ban on toast, recommending that all Penn students and alumni e-mail both Rodin and Chodorow demanding that they lift the ban on throwing toasted bread at Franklin Field. Rodin, however, is unlikely to have much consideration for the opposing view. Last night, she told one of her assistants, "The students will have to accept the new regime. Let them throw cake."