Bush announces national tour filled with 'tricky' stunts

This article appeared in the joke issue. The Associated Press IN THE CLOUDS -- Former President George Bush announced a full schedule of daredevil stunts yesterday after his successful parachute jump from an airplane over the Arizona desert. In a press conference held at the Yuma Proving Ground, the 72-year-old former chief executive said he would bungee jump, parachute, sky surf and execute "tricky Evel Knievel-style motorcycle jumps" during a national tour that will crisscross all 50 states over the next six months. "Read my lips: I know I can do this," Bush said at the conference, adding that he has completed extensive training in preparation for the various stunts he plans to perform. "My body is 72 years young, not 72 years old," he said. "I've consulted with Jack La Lanne on this, and he's all for it." Bush's tour will begin Monday at the NCAA men's basketball championship game in Indianapolis, at which the former president will bungee-jump from the roof of the RCA Dome and dip a tortilla chip in a jar of salsa located on the basketball court. Even though a similar promotion during this year's Super Bowl was canceled after a stuntperson died while practicing the same type of maneuver inside New Orleans's Superdome, Bush said that incident did not prevent him from doing the stunt. "It wouldn't be prudent at this juncture" to cancel the event, Bush said, citing a contract agreement with Frito-Lay, the manufacturer of Tostitos tortilla chips. President Clinton issued a statement yesterday calling Bush's proposed tour "honorable but risky." "The folks back home in Arkansas should really dig this kind of stuff," Clinton said in the statement. After the jump in Indianapolis, Bush will visit numerous county fairs in the Midwest before heading south to the Bible Belt, according to the schedule released at the press conference. Bush will attempt to skydive from high above Philadelphia into the Lower Quad, the source said. Texas Governor George W. Bush said he is worried that his elderly father could be seriously injured in one of the stunts. "Jeb and I don't want our daddy to get hurt," the younger Bush said. Famed stuntman Evel Knievel was unavailable for comment.

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