Ivy Roundup: Justice For All Edition

We here at Ivy Roundup feel the nation was abused by Tuesday night's obvious con job pulled by the White House. What justice is there in making an entire nation wait for the O.J. verdict while the President bores the nation with his hour-long speech? Actually, we here at Roundup don't care because we were watching tapes of the Winter X-Games while all of this was going on. Nevertheless, as Beavis would say, "Yeah, um, Justice like um Rules, yeah." So as long as Ivy basketball remains the most under-televised spectacle in the nation we will not cease our purging of injustices throughout the world. So join us on our journey of justice, as we seek fairness for all. Under Appreciated Cheer Of The Week While watching the Penn-Cornell fiasco, one Roundup super-sleuth Hamilton was impressed by the overwhelming wit of the Cornell band. He reports that when the game ceased to be in doubt, the following cheer was repeated, "Hey! (pause) Penn! (pause) Die! (pause) Drop Dead! (pause) You Suck!" The cheer isn't surprising because Roundup is well aware that Carnelians know all-too-well about dropping to their deaths. However Roundup is shocking that the Big Red Splat's cheer was not countered by our own band with yells of "Jump, Jump, Jump." Human Rights Violation of the Week Again, we return to the gorgeous suspension bridge that is Cornell to bring you what is clearly a breach of rights. Upon entering Newman Arena, site of Cornell's basketball games, visitors are greeted with a sign reading, in effect, "Please remove your shoes before entering the arena." What? Where is our liberty? Where would we put our shoes? Who comes up with this crap? Top 25 Injustice of the Week I Roundup sadly admits that Princeton deserves consideration for the Associated Press Top 25. At 14-3, Princeton has dominated the league and made a strong comeback to nearly knock off North Carolina in December. Sue Fabs, a Princeton freshman who has nothing to do with the basketball program whatsoever, called Roundup demanding that we fight against this lack of respect for Ivy League basketball. No, we were not dropped on our heads as children, Princeton's record makes it a definite candidate for the nation's elite. Joe Juliano, Philadelphia Inquirer writer and AP voter agreed with us, saying that Princeton falls in with "the 15-20 teams" that deserve consideration for the 24th and 25th spots in the country. Yeah, Roundup is depressed, who thought we would stoop so low, but justice must prevail. Justice Delayed is Justice Denied of the Week Temple got screwed last week when it didn't make the top 25 after whipping top-20 Louisville 67-44. Temple is strong in strength of schedule, and deserved more than the 23 AP votes, and 0 coaches votes that it got. Juliano had enough sense to vote for them, but the rest of the country couldn't pull their heads out of their asses long enough to vote for the Owls. But Wait! Temple showed us that maybe the rest of the country did know what it was doing when the Owls went out and lost to St. Bonaventure Tuesday night, 73-55. The Bonnies shot 55 percent from three point range, while Temple shot a brick-filled 29 percent from the field. Even our illustrious math department could figure out that these numbers mean that Temple will get zero votes next week in the AP poll. The moral of this story: don't lose to anything called a Bonnie. The Halls of Justice of the Week Bringing you more sobering Princeton news, former head coach Pete Carril was one of seven people "elected" to the Basketball Hall of Fame last week. Our Roundup snoops found the real reason for this, however. No, it wasn't his 29-year tour of duty, his 500-plus wins, his oversized ears or even the re-release of the Star Wars trilogy. To put it simply, the folks at Old Nassau had a little extra cash lying around. "[Finding enough money lying around that hole called the College of New Jersey to fund my election] involves an incredible amount of luck," Carril said.Luck -- yeah right. Those shysters in Princeton have been "using the force" (and using the mob) to get their money since the beginning of time. But come Judgment Day, the Dunphimous will be enshrined and those orange-and-black-striped bastards will burn in mediocrity.

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