Ivy Roundup: Buy A Brick Edition

This week's edition of Ivy Roundup is dedicated to those three refs who "officiated" last Saturday's Penn-Yale game. Well, they can call it officiating if they want, but then again they can call SUNY-Ithaca an Ivy League college. Who's to stop them? The Phantom Foul of the Week We at Roundup don't know, maybe the refs wanted to celebrate the centennial matchup between Penn and Yale, because their officiating screwed things up enough to send the Ivies backward 100 years. The problem was neither Owens nor Lyren committed a foul. The only thing foul on the court was Yale center Daniel Okonkwo's haircut. Come on, Roundup knows it was throwback weekend, but Philadelphia hasn't seen a full-grown afro since Julius Erving retired. The refs should have thrown a 'T' on Okonkwo. And another on his barber, and one on Gabriel Sargent Hunterton. And what the hell, one on his parents for giving him the middle-name of Sargent (if you don't believe that's his middle name, check out www.yale.edu. Roundup can't make this stuff up.) "I thought the officiating was good," Sargent said via phone. But look at the source. If Hunterton says the refs were good, that just proves they SUCK. The Wrecking Ball of the Week By the way, Princeton is tearing down Palmer Stadium, home of 80 years of football. Show's how much they respect the Ivies. Could you see Penn tearing down Franklin Field? Of course not. They don't tear down stadiums at real Ivy League schools. But since it's Princeton, Roundup says bring on the wrecking ball! But why stop with Palmer Stadium? An intrepid Roundup staffer called Tom from Admiral Awards, the company involved with tearing down the stadium and -- get this -- selling it off piece by piece. Roundup wonders who would buy a brick from Princeton's football stadium when Brian Earl will just shoot one up for you? Actually, let's keep with the spirit and set the wrecking ball lose on the Jadwin Gymnasium while we are in the "let's destroy what sucks" mood. "I don't usually work in that field," Tom said. "Call back tomorrow." By the way, any Penn student looking for a community service project, the wrecking ball is still at Old Ivy and its just an hour trip from Penn. And nobody guards the ball at night when the dorks are in studying ( disclaimer: Roundup will take no responsibility for any freshman who follows through on my suggestion. But we will find it funny). Before Roundup decided that nobody would buy a brick, however, we checked with our new "friend", Sargent. "Honestly, I didn't know they had another gym," the Annoying One said, "But you find out that you are almost always wrong." Good filler, Sarge. I 'll recommend you be promoted to lieutenant. The Whipping Boys of the Week Finally, we move from sucks to sucks worse and take a look at the ever- so-talented Brown Grizzly Bears. The Quakers took mercy on this Lehigh-esque team with Vigor's younger brother and only beat them by 11. But Dunphy suited up the entire JV team just in case he wanted to make things a little bit more challenging. Unfortunately,. there's more talent on Penn JV than Brown. Brown vs. Row 5 Chairbacks Seats 8-13 would be a better matchup. And even then, Roundup favors the chairbacks to win in a nailbiter. That's all for this zany edition. We at Roundup hope the refs from the Yale game enjoyed reading this -- maybe now they'll have half a clue about Ivy hoops.

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