Ivy Roundup: "The Top 250 of the Week Edition"

We here at Ivy Roundup want to remind those of you who missed last night's season opener to get off your lazy butts and get your season tickets. We don't care if Princeton beat UCLA, we'll still kick their ass this year. But before you get in line, we invite you to step into the paint where the big boys play and take another helping of post-Thanksgiving Roundup. Sportsmen of the Week We here at Roundup welcome the start of the new basketball season. The first week of the season is filled with our favorite games -- slaughters. This week, we salute Ivy League teams pretending to be top 25 schools by going out and running up the score on some hapless Division III teams. A special note of thanks goes out to Hahhvahhd, which disguises its lopsided games by calling them "traditional, heated rivalries." The Crimson took the opportunity Monday night to stick it to its nearby friends at Babson, 110-67. Buffy, our expert field reporter, however, assured us that this game was important because, as she explained that, "Babson has been a real thorn in Harvard's side," and that this was indeed a heated rivalry. We at Roundup would like to point out, though, that missing from this feud is competition and talent. "Well, Babson is Division III. Harvard plays at a higher level," Buffy quickly pointed out. While Hahhhhvahhhhhd was sticking it to its tough Babson rivals, SUNY-Ithaca was starting another "classic" rivalry. In a first-ever meeting, the Big Red Bridge Rappelers held off the tough Haverford gang to squeak out a 90-39 win. Hey, at least Cornell coach Scott Thompson was gracious in victory. "We've been [and still are despite our inflated 3-0 record] so bad we can't take the court and take anything for granted." So Sorry of the Week We think Thompson should save his graciousness for this weekend, when his squad will show how soft its undefeated record really is. The Ithacans will bravely march to their humiliating deaths (as opposed to their usual method of jumping off bridges) against Purdue at the Purdue Invitational on Friday. When asked if it was good or bad that his team got matched up against the host Boilermakers in the tournament's opening round, Thompson said, "I don't know, but we'll get some good experience." Well, we here at ye olde Roundup know. We know damn well. Scott, look at the tournament title. It says Purdue. More people will be packed into an arena watching your team get eaten for dinner by the tournament hosts than have seen you guys play in the rest of the history of your sorry program! Scott, think again, is this good or bad? Yeah, we know, it'll be a great experience. So is living in Ithaca. Wannabe of the Week You have to admire Laughayette, which is again pretending to be the ninth Ivy League school. Tuesday night's game versus Princeton will be the Leopards' fourth straight against an Ivy team. Before the year is up, Laughayette will play all eight Ivy schools. We here at Ivy Roundup hear that Columbia and Yale have petitioned the league to ask that Lafayette be stopped before it racks up more Ivy wins that either the Elis or Lions could ever dream of. Poor Babies of the Week When Princeton lost to Indiana in the Preseason NIT, it was the first time in 77 games that the Little Kitties hadn't started a freshman cub. Before people tell us that this is due to Princeton having six returning starters or being ranked 44th in the country by Sports Illustrated, we would like to suggest that the freshmen Pussycats put on a skill display first. Roundup challenges Princeton's four "diapered pansies" to come out and play our four diaper dandies. Then the world will know why no Princeton frosh starts. They, like everyone else at the college formerly known as the College of New Jersey, suck!

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