DP Swamis: The Quotes are real. So are the turbans.

We Swamis are a little strapped for cash (about 80 bucks to be exact). It's been two-and-a-half months since our summer jobs, and Christmas (or our Swami equivalent -- Hanukkah) is still over a month away. But wait, we could use our prognosticating powers for evil instead of good. We could fly over to the nearest off-track betting office and gamble on a few races. Or, better yet, since we need all the cash we can get, we could save gas by staying home and calling up a bookie on the telephone. Wait, before we Swamis bet, we could get some help. Hey, even with our mighty powers, a little extra "information" couldn't hurt. And who would better know the outcome of one of tomorrow's college football games than Butch Palaza, an offensive lineman for the Boston College Eagles. "I can't answer that," Palaza said. You can't tell us the score between Dartmouth and Columbia? "No." You can't tell us the score between Brown and Harvard? "No." You can't tell us the score between Yale and Cornell? "No." Surely you could tell us the score between Penn and Princeton; that one's easy. "No. Guessing and betting, that's the same category. I can't answer that." What's your problem? You're acting like someone from your own team bet against you. Getting no predictions from Butch, we Swamis left him in search for another, more amiable B.C. student. At long last, we came upon George, "Intramural Sports God." George, who is the head of the intramural referees for football, basketball, hockey and softball agreed to show us where he'd place his bets. A Manchester, N.H., native (which is nowhere near Chicken Hutch), George picked Dartmouth over Columbia, 21-7. He went on to pick Cornell to conquer Yale, 14-10, and Harvard over Brown, 10-7, because, "I have a friend that goes to Harvard." Then, George actually picked Princeton to defeat Penn, 35-0, "just to spite you." Yeah, George, some "God" you are. Even we Swamis know the outcome of the future better than you. But maybe not better than George's football team. They do have that special skill of exact prediction, when they somehow knew that Syracuse and Pitt were going to beat them. We should just make the whole team honorary Swamis. Nah, our Magic Carpets only work when we are wearing our real turbans, not the special fixed ones.