Ivy Roundup: Nothing Much Edition

What is worse than a football team that loses to Lehigh, has a quarterback controversy and has no offense? Why, a Roundup with no content, of course. So, in a blatant attempt to simply fill space, we present to you, Ivy Roundup. That's right, Ivy Roundup. Ivy Roundup. A roundup of the Ivy League. Around the Ancient Eight with Roundup. You get the picture. Bowl of the Week Needless to say, SUNY-Harlem has established more than a losing tradition for its football program. In coach Ray Tellier's 12 years leading the program, he established himself a mighty 12-37 record before this season. With a 5-0 record this year, however, Tellier has accomplished a feat last seen in Harlem in 1951. Needless to say, the players, coaches and Tellier himself are elated. Unfortunately for the squad, Tellier is not experienced at winning. And Lions wide receiver David Ramirez is going to learn that lesson hard way. When Ramirez was a mere gullible freshman, Tellier made a prophecy that the senior has always held dear. Tellier promised him a trip to the top. "Coach T promised me when I was a freshman that we'd go to the championship," Ramirez said after the Lions' recent win over mighty Fordham. Umm, would that be the Ivy Bowl? It seems that Tellier forgot to check to see if an Ivy championship game actually exists. Maybe Tellier just stumbled on a great recruiting plan -- just tell all the pre-frosh that they will soon be going to the Ivy Championships. Won't they be surprised. Basic Motor Skills of the Week Speaking of the folks who play their games in the Bronx, it seems that this past week's New York City rivalry brought about the best in players. Fordham headed to Columbia to go head to head in a mud bowl, thanks to the same torrential rains that drowned the other game in New York. Unfortunately for Columbia, their football players aren't exactly the brightest stars in the galaxy. And although they won the game 3-0, they had a hard time performing some of life's basic functions. "I almost fell over waiting for the snap," sophomore kicker Matt Linit said. Whoa, easy there Linit. Maybe it's time to stop drinking before games. Or maybe they teach that junior year at Columbia. Mmm, Free Hot Dogs of the Week Poor Kyle Patton. The poor 5-foot-8 running back wasn't good enough to make the Brown football team -- even three years ago. Although that's not what he would say. Patton says the team wasn't good enough for him, and three years after realizing his football ineptitude, he decided to write a guest column for the Brown Daily Herald, slamming the coaching staff. In his momentous essay, Patton said the team's potential is there, but they lack the guidance of a good coaching staff. What took you so long to realize that Kyle? Despite his three-year ignorance, Patton did mention the free hot dogs and t-shirts at Brown football games. The freebies were the only reason why he, and the rest of the student body, goes to watch Brown football games. "The free hot dogs and t-shirts may do the trick," Patton said. Hmm. With only 5,074 people at Penn's last game, maybe the Red and Blue should start handing out free food and clothing. To Roundup Roundup of the Week We warned you this Roundup sucked, but amazingly, it was still better than UTV sports.