FOCUS: A Shade of Gray

Love in the '90s challenges social tradition When Engineering and Wharton senior Monica Petra came to the University from Romania, she underestimated the stigma she would face when she began dating a Hindu. As a white female who attended an international boarding school in Italy, Petra had found interracial relationships the norm. "We respected each other as individuals because the diversity did not allow for us to form separate groups," she said. But at the University, Petra has discovered a very different atmosphere. Interracial dating has become a popular subject in recent years. And movies such as Jungle Fever and Mississippi Marsala have helped to make the topic a controversial one. On campus, many students have said they find interracial dating an extremely relevant issue to their daily lives, often experiencing for themselves the difficulties involved in these types of relationships. Wharton freshman Ken St. Hill, a black male, began dating his white girlfriend in high school in New Jersey. "I was on the wrestling team in high school and many of the white guys used to tell me that I should leave the white girls to them," St. Hill recalled. He explained that although he has no qualms about dating outside his own race, his parents -- and his girlfriend's parents -- feel differently. "My father sat me down for a long talk," St. Hill said. "I don't think he approved entirely, but he is supportive of my decision." St. Hill added that although he gets along with his girlfriend's parents, her father has blatantly disapproved of the interracial situation. "I think that he's afraid of what other people will think," St. Hill said, adding that he does understand the conflict because he has been the victim of prejudice on many occasions. "I think it's worse in Jersey than around here," he said. "In Jersey we've been harassed in public on a number of occasions, but when she visits me here, we just get dirty looks." St. Hill recounted a recent experience where he had glanced at an interracial couple while on Locust Walk, wanting to tell them that it was great to see similar relationships to his own at the University. However, he feared they interpreted his glance to be a prejudicial one. "It's really unfortunate that people tend to only stick with what they know," he said. For College junior Analida Hernandez, a Latina, cultural distinctions are more apparent than skin color. Hernandez has been dating her white boyfriend for more than a year and a half and said she has never experienced any serious prejudice. "If we have differences, we work through them," she said. "A good relationship is about loving someone for who they are, not because your backgrounds happen to be similar." But some other students' experiences seem to indicate that cultural and racial differences do tend to affect relationships -- in ways that can be both good and bad. Petra explained that she was initially drawn to her boyfriend, who she is no longer with, because of the racial differences involved. "It intrigued me to be dating someone of an entirely different culture," she said. Petra's excitement soon became frustration when her consistent effort to fit it was unsuccessful. "I could sense that I was considered an outsider," she said. "I received enough subtle hints that no matter what I did, I was still different." Petra's parents reacted negatively to her relationship, making the experience an even more difficult one. "I was surprised when they objected because they have always been open about relating to different kinds of people," Petra said. She attributes the small number of interracial relationships that she has observed at the University to the power of groups. "There is a lot of pressure to stay with tradition, with what is familiar to us," Petra said. "I am extremely happy when I see an interracial relationship work out," she added. "I would like to give inter-racial dating another try at some point." College senior Gillian Silver said she knows what it feels like to be in a successful interracial relationship. Silver, who is white and Jewish, has been dating her boyfriend, an African American, for over six months, with nothing but smiles to show from it. "This is not my first interracial dating experience," Silver said. "However, it's a much better relationship than my last one." She explained that her previous experience, with an Asian male, was short-lived, partially due to the fact that he tried to keep the relationship a secret from his family. "It definitely bothered me that his parents did not know of my existence," Silver said. "I'm sure that had the relationship become serious, our racial differences would have posed a serious threat." Silver said that her current boyfriend does not attempt to conceal their relationship from either family or friends. "It just never seems to be an issue with us," she said. "Many of his friends have also dated interracially -- and so have mine." Silver's parents' reaction to the relationship might also be a factor in the couple's happiness, she explained. "My parents have no problem with it at all," said Silver. "They know that he is someone who challenges me intellectually and makes me happy and they think that's great." Silver said she feels that many people who have never dated interracially make false assumptions about the difficulties that can arise. "We may go to a show where Jewish humor prevails and so I have to explain it to him," said Silver. "But as far as I'm concerned, there's nothing wrong with learning something new." But some University students said they feel more comfortable dating members of their own race. Wharton sophomore Brandale Randolph, an African American male, said he has made a personal choice to only date within his race. "There's a stigma that goes along with interracial relationships," Randolph said. "There's enough to deal with in a dating situation without bringing in more difficulties." Randolph explained that he thinks if he chose to date outside his race, other African Americans would take it as an insult. "I might as well say that my people are not good enough," Randolph said, adding that he is aware that his parents' feelings are similar to his own. "My mom would freak out if I started dating a white girl," he said. Randolph noted that as a native of Los Angeles, he has frequently encountered interracial relationships. College sophomore Mona Parekh, a South Asian female, expressed similar feelings about dating outside of her race. "I've grown up with many traditions that are unique to my culture," Parekh said. "I wouldn't want to fall for someone that I couldn't potentially marry because I could not risk losing that huge part of my heritage." Counseling and Psychological Services Director Ilene Rosenstein said she has observed an increase over the last four years in the number of interracial couples seeking help to work through their differences. "There has been an increasing demand for workshops that are designed to teach techniques for making interracial relationships function better," Rosenstein added. An interracial dating therapy group is being formed as a direct response to students' needs, according to Rosenstein. "Students often feel ostracized for breaking away from the norm," she said. "People often come to us to get in touch with the feelings that they are experiencing. "Counselors usually suggest looking at yourself and thinking about who you are as a way of dealing with the complications that these relationships often bring to a persons feeling of self," Rosenstein said.