IVY ROUNDUP: Doormat gets trampled; They're clueless up in Cambridge

Last weekend's slate of Ivy games was full of mishaps, foolish decisions, tears for some, joy for others, as well as a close and debatable ending -- with a couple of high-priced lawyers, a racist detective, and a white Ford Bronco, it could have been the O.J. trial. While the nation held its collective breath for the dramatic results of the trial, the Penn faithful finally recovered theirs after this weekend's 20-19 squeaker over Bucknell. Harvard blew a huge lead to Fordham -- yes Fordham -- and lost by a field goal. And a ridiculous decision by the quarterback sealed another close Dartmouth loss. Polish Miles Macik of the Week Let us take a moment to salute Penn alumnus Joe Valerio, offensive tackle for the Kansas City Chiefs, who was on the receiving end of a one-yard touchdown pass from Steve Bono on a tackle-eligible reception Sunday. Valerio is quickly assuming the nickname of "Touchdown Joe," ever since that Montana character left town. Here at Franklin Field, no Bucknell offensive lineman was safe from the might of Penn defensive end Tom McGarrity. With four sacks and six tackles, McGarrity stampeded over any and every Bison in his path. What was in his way, you ask? Who permitted McGarrity to play like Bruce Smith against Roundup's intramural team? The answer is none other than Mairiusz Misiec. No, not Miles Macik -- he's actually a decent player -- but Mairiusz Misiec, the Macik of Poland. Misiec, a.k.a. "Doormat," could not be reached for comment on the game or the trial. We assume he was just lying flat on his back somewhere, letting people walk all over him. Swelled Head of the Week Speaking of doormats, Harvard headed into the weekend with a 1-1 record and, unbelievably, a solid chance of a winning record with a "game" against Fordham. The Rams, known throughout the Ivy and Patriot leagues simply as "a week off," were down 21-0 to the Crimson early in the second quarter. Perhaps slightly overconfident, Harvard lay down -- much like Misiec -- and simply assumed the game was won. 24 points later, it was. By Fordham, 24-21. No one said it better than Harvard captain and senior linebacker Justin Frantz: "We thought we were so much better we wouldn't even have to show up to play. We proved that to ourselves in the first half -- falsely -- and then we just let down." Someone at Harvard with an undeserved swelled head??? To remind Frantz and the rest of the nation, one last time, it was FORDHAM! 'Nuff said. Big Green Bonehead of the Week Dartmouth, master of the close-game loss, was down 24-19 to Cornell and driving toward the end zone again. It was fourth and one from the 4-yard line. Dartmouth was in the red zone for the third consecutive time, having been unsuccessful in its previous two trips. Big Green quarterback Jon Aljancic took the snap and ran forward past the line of scrimmage, seemingly on his way to ending the ineptitude of the not-so-Big Green. Instead of sliding or trying for the touchdown, Aljancic, who had the first down, threw the ball, which is both illegal and completely idiotic. The penalty cost Dartmouth the first down, good field position, and eventually the game. We at Roundup feel Aljancic was so distraught from the close loss to Penn just two weeks ago that he literally threw the game away. Enough already. Harvard still blows, The Streak continues, and O.J.'s a free man. Will wonders never cease?

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.