COLUMN: Tosches digs own grave

From Jed Walentas's "Two Minute Warning," Fall '95 The one ingredient that makes collegiate athletics truly special is that emotion. It leads to unthinkable upsets. It leads to great comebacks and last-second finishes. Regardless of how well-coached a team is or how disciplined it is, certain teams get up to play certain opponents. Players perform better against big rivals. Athletes get fired up by a raucous crowd. None of this necessarily makes intuitive sense, but these realities are what makes sports special. If Penn knocks off undefeated Princeton Saturday in front of a massive Homecoming crowd at Franklin Field and regains a share of first place in the Ivy League, emotion will undoubtedly play a major role. Luckily for the Quakers, Princeton always does a helluva job providing bulletin board material to adorn the Penn locker room. Two years ago, before the Tigers roared into Franklin Field as the defending Ivy champions with a 7-0 record, Keith Elias, their mohawked superstar running back, wagged his tongue about Penn's depressed academic standards. "There's a difference between us and Penn," the New York Giants' special teamer said in November of 1993. "I mean, half their team couldn't get in here. I don't mean to insult anybody, but that's just the way it is. "It bothers me because they have a wider base of people to recruit because their standards are lower. All I'm saying is they get people on their football team that we can't touch and it helps them. In fact, some of their money players, we tried to recruit them but we can't." Elias, who finished him monologue by noting that he was slacking off on his classwork to prepare for the game, was held to a mere 59 yards rushing just four days after those comments. His Tigers returned to Princeton with their tails between their legs -- on the short end of a 30-14 decision. Well, for all you Quakers fans out there who are concerned about Princeton's annihilation of a Columbia squad that upset Penn earlier this season -- don't be. Why? Because even though Elias has somehow graduated to the NFL, where he runs his mouth off to publications like The New York Post, the Tigers still have coach Steve Tosches. And Tosches, who has lost two straight to the Quakers, has picked up the slack for Elias, providing Penn with plenty of bulletin board material. When the subject of academic integrity and the Quakers' athletic superiority in recent years was delved into by Sports Illustrated earlier this fall, the Tigers' fearless leader spoke his mind. "I'd like to see the playing field as level as possible on Saturday afternoons," Tosches told SI, implying the turf was pitched a wee bit, and not necessarily for drainage. Did you hear that Al? Tosches rambled on: "I've been in the league since '85, and I've seen a great change in what some schools are willing to do to help their athletic teams. They're not breaking policies, they're just stretching them as if they are plastic. When does the plastic break?" Miles, are you listening? Tosches was not done yet: "What bothers me is, for every kid who succeeds, how many others fall through the cracks?" Whether he is or not, Steve Tosches comes across as bitter. He comes across as someone who's been out-recruited and out-coached by Al Bagnoli. And, perhaps more importantly, he hasn't gotten his Tigers up to play the Quakers the past two seasons. Tosches is no doubt getting Penn psyched up. Funny, because after their trouncing of Columbia last Saturday, he noted how energetic his boys were. "This was midterm week for us," Tosches said. "But yet, they were very attentive, they were full of energy. Probably flunked all their tests." Keep talking Steve. You'll fail yours on Saturday.