Ivy League's bid revoked

NCAA votes against Ivies In a stunning declaration yesterday, the National Collegiate Athletic Association announced the revocation of the Ivy League's automatic bid to the NCAA basketball tournament. The announcement sent shockwaves throughout the Ivy League. Impressive performances from both Penn and Princeton have demonstrated the league's capability to play with the nation's premier teams. The Ivy League's NCAA tournament performance has been notorious for close games against prime time opponents. Tournament performances over the past several seasons include a Penn win over Nebraska last season, and close defeats like this year's loss to fifth-seeded Alabama and a 54-50 loss to third-seeded Massachusetts in 1993. "I'm speechless," Penn coach Fran Dunphy said. "It comes as truly heartbreaking news. Our past three years have been filled with so much success that I hate to see that ruined by a foolish decision by the NCAA." Cedric Dempsey, president of the NCAA, argued that too many bids were going to conferences that "just plain sucked," and added Ivy teams would just have to work harder to achieve at-large bids. The committee also revoked bids from other supposedly mediocre conferences like the Big Sky, Patriot League, MEAC and the Big Ten. "Although it's disappointing, it shouldn't matter," Penn senior Matt Maloney noted. "With guys like Nat Graham, Vigor Kapetanovic and Jamie Lyren returning next year, we should be a shoe-in for an automatic berth." Princeton coach Pete Carril, who played an integral role in bringing the Ivy League to prominence, was dismayed by the monumental decision. "Ivy League basketball has produced prime basketball talent from Bill Bradley to Andy Baratta to Chris Dudley to Jerome Allen," Carril said. "To see that evaporate is disastrous." "Hoop Dreams" star Arthur Agee was devastated by the NCAA's decision. "My dream of transferring to Cornell must remain unfulfilled because in addition to the nightmare of playing in Ithaca, this removes any exposure I might have gotten in the Ivy League," Agee said. Penn Athletic Director Steve Bilsky lamented the effect this decision may have upon Penn's recruiting ability. "This is a great shock to the credibility of Ivy League athletics," Bilsky said. "Our basketball talent, ranging from current players to potential recruits, has been irreparably damaged. I have already received transfer applications from both Ira Bowman and Tim Krug and wouldn't be surprised to see others leave as well." Bryant "Big Country" Reeves, star center for Final Four-bound Oklahoma State, Academic All-American and aspiring poet, claimed neither Penn nor the Ivy League deserved to be anywhere near the NCAA Tournament. "Sure Penn State is good at football, but who wouldn't be when you have guys like Joe Paterno, Kerry Collins and KiJana Carter," Reeves said. "Their hoops are awful." Upon discovering that Penn and Penn State are in fact two different schools, Reeves, after reciting quotations from Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, and Robert Frost responded with a mere "Serendipity!" Stouffer dining services' "Fly-man" says as long as the players still come for his famous Chick-0-steaks, the bid is meaningless. "Listen, my man, nothing matters without my steaks," Fly-man said. Former Penn player and current student Bill Guthrie provided an intriguing theory for the NCAA's decision. "I feel my leaving the team may have strongly influenced the NCAA," Guthrie said. "I would consider returning to the Quakers if the NCAA would overturn its decision. After his astounding 55-point performance in the Bulls' win over the Knicks, the impact of the NCAA's decision was the only thing on Michael Jordan's mind. "At Carolina, we trembled at the thought of playing Dartmouth or Columbia in the NCAA's," Jordan said. "Playing against Jerome next year is a terrifying prospect. The Ivy League clearly deserves a bid." After an exhausting day of upheaval, turmoil and controversy, Dunphy slumped in his seat, let out a large sigh and said, "At least Cedric will still be here."