COLUMN: Sex on the Dotted Line

From Jennie Rosenbaum's "That Would Be Telling," Fall '93 A shift has taken place in dating in the last 10 years. People are no longer as concerned with what they are going to wear as with keeping away sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancy and unwelcome advances. This third concern is so important to the students and administrators at Antioch College that they implemented a sex code: the Antioch College Sexual Offense Policy. The policy's Consent Clause, as written in the September 28 Daily Pennsylvanian, reads, "Verbal consent should be obtained with each new level of physical and/or sexual conduct in any given interaction regardless of who initiates it." Students who want to both have sex and keep by the policy of asking "Is this O.K.?" before every move have a long night ahead of them. While students at Antioch outwardly support the policy, there is no way of knowing exactly how many students practice what they preach. Students would have a difficult time defining exactly what a "step" is, anyway. Are above and below the waist at the same level? How about right versus left breast? Those who want to get laid while saving face should stick to the elementary school "bases" distinctions. You remember this: First base is kissing, second base is French kissing, third base involves contact that your parents would kill you for if they caught you at it, and home is...well, you know. A student who thinks about baseball in bed would thus only have to ask four times, plus one more if it turns out to be a double header, in which case the fifth question becomes, "Can you handle another at bat?" But in baseball, no one leisurely strolls from base to base. It's a game in which a player doesn't stop at each base and ask, "Mother, may I?" Take this situation: Phils vs. Mets. John Kruk has just slammed one against the fence, keeping the ball inside the park and in play. The Mets outfield is falling all over each other to get to the ball. As Kruk rounds second and approaches third, the ball surfaces. Kruk easily has a triple. but the homer is possible. Three things can happen: (1) The third base coach tells Kruk to stop at third, and he does. (2) The third base coach tells Kruk to go for home plate, and he does and scores a run. (3) Kruk does what he wants and goes for the home run. The ball is thrown to the plate. Kruk slides, and he is... Safe? Out? It doesn't matter. The point is that, in sex, just as in baseball, you sometimes want to enjoy the moment and go for the homer, even though there's a chance you might not get it. A common complaint is that having to ask, "Are you sure?" kills the mood. These people are going to go for the homer without checking to see what the third base coach tells them. Sometimes they will get the homer. Sometimes they won't. But they won't stop to ask. Unless of course it says in the player's contract, "It is always OK to go for home." Six months ago, "Headline News" reported that a men's club in New York has been printing "intercourse agreements" for their members. These contracts, which both parties sign, state that both parties have agreed on the beginning of the date to have sex. Although the document is meant to protect the men from false sexual assault charges, it can hurt both parties equally. The contract doesn't give either party a chance to change their minds once it has been signed. The signers are thus obligated to uphold their end of the bargain. So if one party changes his or her mind and the other party doesn't care, you can have rape with the rapist able to say, "I had it in writing." No one would buy a car without taking it out for a test drive around the block. Why, then, should people sign agreements to have sex before the appetizer has been ordered? Documents don't take human nature into account. Sex is all about human nature. Maybe sex shouldn't be documented. While the men's club and Antioch College are both trying to protect their members from rape and false charges of sexual assault, their tactics are not equally effective. The men's club assumes that their members' relationships are at the stage at which sex has been discussed and agreed upon in advance. The club fails to recognize that the words "yes" and "no" are not everlasting. Times change, and people change their minds with time. The club doesn't allow these relationships to evolve even in the course of one night. Antioch College realizes that there is always discussion and change in relationships, but it goes too far in mandating verbal communication for every new level of sexual contact. The administration should focus on workshops in which students are made aware of the importance of communication, rather than telling them how and when to do it. Hopefully, society will come to value communication more than policies and contracts which govern behavior. Hopefully, people will realize that if they need constant verbal or written consent to have sex, they're not ready for that kind of a relationship. Sex shouldn't be about mandates. It should be about trust. Jennie Rosenbaum is a senior Theater Arts and Comparative Literature major from Forest Hills, New York. That Would Be Telling appears alternate Mondays.

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