COLUMN: "Last Call"

From Stephen Jamison's "On the Green," Fall '92 Using the shotgun approach, I will now attempt to kill as many rugmunchers as I can in one last opportunity. Education. Many people are convinced that more government spending ceteris paribus equals better services. I attended a mediocre, rural high school that spends about one-third of the amount per pupil of the Philadelphia School District. Many of you, however, may think I am functioning on one-third of a brain, but nonetheless, there is little conclusive correlation between money spent per pupil and the quality of education. Elementary students are now taught sex and alternative lifestyle lessons, such as "Heather has Two Mommies," and they're not referring to her divorced daddy's new wife. Our school systems are now graduating students who know how to put a condom on a banana, but who aren't equipped to read the warning label on the package. A friend of mine was a participant in the Penn Pal's program. She was paired with Marla, an energetic young fourth grade student from West Philadelphia. Marla had five brothers and sisters, each one with a different father. But what truly astounded me was that she, and her fourth grade friends, thought that this was perfectly normal! As long as we have a culture and the supportive government programs which implicitly encourage this kind of behavior and family, no amount of money that is dumped into education or any other program will save our youth. Environmentalism. Reading The Lorax at an early age, I grew up learning to love and to respect the outdoors. One motto I try to live by is to always leave the place better than you found it. I was also taught that the earth and its abundant resources are to be used for the benefit of mankind. Animal rights activists -- such as members of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- who insist that animals deserve equal status with humans should be stomped out, like an ant. The CUPPS "Can't Use Paper, Plastics, Styrofoam" cups may seem to be a great idea, but I would guess that more energy is wasted in the manufacture, the shipping and the rewashing of these things than is actually saved. If everyone used them, well all right -- but I certainly don't see hordes of students toting around these inconvenient creatures. Environmentalists and their fellow Malthusians have gotten it all wrong. I admire their enthusiasm for the natural world, but most are truly anti-capitalists at heart. The surest way to slow population growth is to raise the world's standard of living, but Greenpeace and their "eco-snob" cohorts seem more interested in stopping all economic development. Due to their legislation, men are being thrown into jail for building homes on land that collects mud puddles for a few days per year, and therefore qualifies for wetlands protection. This is not a joke. At the very least, people are entitled to compensation, not prison sentences, if the government destroys the value of their land by passing environmental protection laws. Health Care. This issue will become increasingly important in years to come, as those whining-baby boomers age closer and closer to the drug store aisle with Preparation H and Depends undergarments. People for years have been clamoring that health care is some sort of basic right. To these liberals, the best kind of "rights" are the ones that they can force someone else to pay for. Watch out for health care rationing in your future under the Clinton administration. We now spend something like $30 billion a year on patients in the last year of life. It is estimated that there are about 30 million Americans without health insurance. Just to prove that I have more than 33 percent of a brain, this works out to be about $1000 per person to purchase their own health insurance. Homelessness. I am sick of hearing about it. We certainly don't need students camping out on College Green in order to raise campus awareness about this quite obvious problem. Don't you ever go to WaWa? Besides just talking about it, perhaps a more productive tact would be to enroll in the Dynamics of Organization class on house rehabilitation, where one could learn about and participate in the rebuilding and sale of a previously abandoned house to a lower income family in the community. Taxes. Ouch. I really hate taxes. I mean, I really hate taxes. There is nothing worse than opening up a paycheck only to find that the government has extracted the equilvalent of two full days of my work week so that they can afford to pay the three city workers needed to change every lightbulb. Oliver Wendall Holmes, in one of his less intelligent moments, said that taxes were the indication of a civilized people. Any slogan which the IRS likes enough to engrave into the doorway of their huge marble building in D.C. has got to be perverse. Our taxes are now used to subsidize higher prices for farmers' products. Then, the government turns around and gives money to food stamp recipients so they can afford to buy the more expensive food. Even Billary should be able to figure this one out. When they were developing the Constitution, the founding fathers considered a clause that would limit income taxes to a maximum of ten percent, if one was ever instituted in the future. It was later rejected. Maybe those Dead White Males weren't so smart after all. The issues I would have loved to debate are infinite. Affirmative action, the drug war, and lawyers have all stirred my ire. Unfortunately, I leave you, and myself, unfulfilled. Despite the prevailing wisdom on this campus, "Conservative," if that is how you label me, does not mean a lack of caring. It does not imply close-mindedness. It does not mean devoid of charity. Contrary to popular belief, I do not want to kill all grandmothers. However, there is not a goverment program ready-made for every one of society's ills. A strong government is axiomatically incompatible with individual freedom. I would not wish socialism on my worst enemy. This semester's column has been a great experience, and a great responsibility. I would recommend to any and all of you to do it. There is no more critical audience than the University community. Lastly, be thankful everyday that you live in the United States of America. Our generation has grown up in an era without war, without imposed segregation, without massive poverty and hunger. Opportunities abound for everyone if we are willing to work hard to be successful. I encourage you all to pursue the American Dream with me. Stephen Jamison is a senior Finance major from McKeesport, Pennsylvania. "On the Green" appears alternate Fridays.