COLUMN: "Have You Ever Wondered Why?"

From Andra Fogel and Darren Fogel's "He Got the Bigger Room," Fall '92 Why can't freshmen girls go to sorority parties or go out with sorority sisters before rush begins? Why do almost all sororities and fraternities have their formals on a few select nights out of the entire year? Why do frats ask to see 21 I.D. when all you really need to get in to drink is Penn I.D. or breasts? Why does nearly every sorority throw a party at the Gold Standard at least once a semester? We are not criticizing these facets of Greek life, we were just wondering Why? But wait, there's more. Why do so many Eurofags choose to "have a drink" at the Palladium? Why can anyone who has a note from their mother get into Murph's, when at Smoke's you are watched by high-tech, infrared, laserized video surveillance cameras? Why do people accept the fliers that are handed out on Locust Walk, only to dispose of them three steps later, in the nearest trash can? Why are certain days during the semester designated "solicit miscellaneous crap while sitting behind a table on the Walk"? Why do students on meal plan insist on reading those stupid centerpiece cards on the dining tables each time they eat? Why have people memorized the card that says "Could your heterosexuality be a phase that you will grow out of? Have you just not found the right homosexual partner? If so there will be a meeting held tonight in the?" Why is there so much wind near the high rises? Why is West Philadelphia overstocked with fruit vendors, while it is starving for places to park your bicycle -- especially in the Quad? Why don't more people wear bike helmets? Wait, we have the answer to that: Because they are gay. Has anyone ever been caught by the Penn bicycle police? And onto the library?What do people even attempt to study in Rosengarten? Why is it almost guaranteed that two or three Franklin computer terminals will be "locked" in Van Pelt? And, why does some schmuck always try to use one of those "locked" terminals? Why does our library boast about having more books than nearly any other library in America, while the one damn book you need is either in the "check at the front desk stage," signed out with another person (for the year), or simply lost? Why don't those fashionable, green jacketed book checkers really inspect your backpack for library materials when you leave Van Pelt? And why did you wear your backpack casually on one shoulder in high school, while in college two shoulders is a must? Why do college professors forget your name as soon as the semester is over? Why do "cooler" students sit in the back of the classroom? Why does your class laugh after your professor tells you another lame joke? Why do people stare in awe when President Hackney walks by? Why is fall break only one day? Why do freshmen worry prior to coming to school about whether or not their roommate is gay? Why does freshman orientation exist? Why are the bathrooms on campus cleaned Monday through Friday, when it's not needed, but forgotten about on the weekends when all of the "rookie" drinkers barf volumes either in, on, or around the toilets? Why don't college students, as a whole, have a clue as to what is going on in the real world? Why do the financially disadvantaged, when asking for "spare change," always tell the same story about taking the subway to the shelter. Are they all going to the same one? Why do people look stupid on their Penn ID? Why is the artwork displayed on campus so ugly? Why do people meet "at the button?" Why do people pack themselves in to the Hall Of Flags Room of Houston Hall for bagels, pizza, frozen yogurt and a standing-room-only seat? Why, in 3401 Walnut, does it feel like you are eating in a pit? Why do some girls continue to wear baggy clothing and wrap jackets around their waists? Point of information, men figured out these tricks long ago. Why do dieters follow there three hour aerobics/stair master sessions by scarfing down a Billybob's cheesesteak and a pint of Ben & Jerry's? Why do some people think it's cool to pull their baseball caps down so low over their heads? Why does everyone ride mountain bikes in the city? Why has "customer service" gone to hell in West Philadelphia? Why do a few people choose to use their Raiders-jacketed and Air-Jordan-clad children as selling tools for money? Why, after three years, is Logan Hall still under construction? Why did Penn spend $1 million in order to build a new fine arts building, when it is only temporary? Why isn't more construction done over the summer? Why does all road repair work begin at 7 a.m.? Why does that same repair work stop once you get out of bed? Why doesn't anyone take the toast from the toast zamboni at football games and allocating it proportionately to the less fortunate? And, hey -- why do people criticize our column each week? Darren Fogel and Andra Fogel are siblings from Rydal, Pennsylvania. She is a College freshman; he is a senior Entrepreneurial Management major. "He Got the Bigger Room" appears alternate Wednesdays.