LETTER: 'I Say, Hurl...'

Over the last two years I have read a number of ridiculously stupid columns in The Daily Pennsylvanian, but Andra and Darren Fogel's column "Welcome to the Jungle" (DP 9/18/92) was easily the most pointlessly moronic thing I have ever read in the DP or any other publication. At its best, an editorial column should both entertain the reader and engage his intellect. At its worse, it should at least have a point. But, as far as "Welcome to the Jungle" is concerned, I've had minor operations which were more entertaining and seen grocery lists more intellectually engaging, and the only point that I could discern was that the Fogels' probably spend too much time thinking about the Steinberg-Dietrich washrooms. After all, the Fogels' don't seem to be advocating the abandonment of the public washroom as an American institution, and they don't seem to be calling for sweeping reform in the area of public washroom regulation, and so I am left wondering what these people possibly could have been thinking when they wrote this column. There is, of course, the possibility that in the column they were subtly trying to convey the horrendous lack of judgement displayed by the DP editorial board in selecting this year's columnists. In that case, they hit the nail right on the head, and I apologize. Oh, and if the column was just supposed to be funny, it wasn't. Despite its total lack of merit, it would be unfair for me to say that the Fogels' column failed to inspire any reaction at all. It made me want to hurl. Certain things are not spoken of by polite people, much less printed in "quality" newspapers freely available to the general public. The sights and sounds of public washrooms are among these. What's next for the Fogels, "Pus: An In-Depth Description of Festering Wounds"? The very fact that a column such as this could even get printed goes to show how violently warped the DP's editorial process is. I guess what I really want to know is what these people were doing taking "a quick glance under the stalls," why did they think that the DP's readers would be interested in accompanying them, and what possible reason could the DP have had to print it? Is the DP so hard up for space filler that it had to print this? I think that I would rather read yet another installment in the DP's thrilling search for a new Judicial Inquiry Officer than read a vacuous column like this. Well, maybe not. I have often considered applying to write a column for the DP, but I always refrained because I did not think that I could come up with enough interesting, relevant topics to make my column worth reading every couple of weeks. I see now that this is not really necessary, and all that you really need to get a DP column is an obscure sounding name. I am looking forward to applying for a column in the spring. I think I'll call it "Potted Meat Product for Everyone But Sheldon." NOLAN MILLER Wharton/College '94