COLUMN: "Will You Do the Fandango?"

From Brandon Fogel and Jason Seiden's "Skippy Gone Batty," Spring '92 What a year, huh? Everywhere we turned, people seemed to be talking about the Penn experience. Most didn't even know they were doing it at the time. But we, with our oh-so-sharp intellects, noticed all of it. Here is a small tribute to those stars above us who really hit the PennNail right on the head: The Beatles on doing time at Penn: "I'm so-ooo tired, I haven't slept a wink. I'm so-ooo tired, my mind is on the brink . . . " The Dead on doing time at Rosengarten: "If I get home before daylight, I might just get some sleep tonight . . . " Spinal Tap on the Quad: "You know where you stand in a hell hole! God, get me out of this hell hole!" Billy Joel on hallmates: "I've got real close friends that'll get me high, they don't know how to talk and they ain't gonna try . . . " Pink Floyd on helping friends feed the toilet: "Don't accept that what's happening/is just a case of others' suffering/or you'll find that you're joining in the turning away . . . " Peter Gabriel on Fling: "I don't remember, I don't recall, I've got no memory of anything at all . . . " Floyd on how most of us get things done: "Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day, you fritter and waste the hours in an off-hand way . . . " Blues Traveler on why there's really no reason to stress out about anything: "I want to laugh, I want to cry, but no matter how hard I try, it won't mean a thing in a hundred years . . . " Neil Young on why I didn't go into my human sexuality seminar last week: "I heard screaming, and bull whips crackin'. How long? How long?!? AAAHHH!!!" Rush on certain professors and TA's who have absolutely no clue: "You can twist perception, reality won't budge . . . show me, don't tell me . . . " Tom Petty on our GPA's: " 'Cuz I'm free, free-falling . . . " Led Zeppelin on the true art of test-taking: "Many is the word, that only leaves you guessing, guessing 'bout a thing, you really ought to know . . . " Elton John pretending to be a Whartonite: "I can bitch, I can bitch, 'cuz I'm better than you, it's the way that I move, the things that I do . . . " Nirvana on the Undergraduate Assembly: "I'm so happy, because today I found my friends - they're in my head . . . " Skid Row on the Physics Club: "We are the youth gone wild . . . " Spinal Tap on PennChicks: "The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the pushin' . . . " Madonna on SDT: " 'Cuz we are living in a material world, and I am a material girl . . . " Aerosmith on Sharon Stone: "Rag doll, living in a movie, hot tramp . . . " Warrant on girls who know the right buttons to push, and levers to pull: "Swingin' in there 'cuz she wanted me to feed her, so I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater . . . " (This one was all Bat's doing) The Smithereens on girls who don't know how to finish the job: "The blues before and after, I get the blues before and after I'm with you . . . " Cheap Trick on what Anita Hill really wanted to say last week: "I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me, I'm begging you to beg me . . . " Men Without Hats on responsible sex: "S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y Safe-safe-safe-safe Dance-dance-dance-dance . . . You can dance if you want to . . . " C&C; Music Factory on the horse we saw being led out of Sheldon's house last weekend: "Things that make you go hmmmmmm . . . " Petty, the way it should be: "Take back your Liquor Control Board/Take back the JIO/Give them all some real jobs/Give them all some place to go/You're jammin' me . . . " M.C. Hammer, the way it should be: "Chulajit! Chulajit to quit! Hey, heyyy!" Aerosmith on Barbara Bush: "Dude looks like a lady . . . " Tom Petty on Princeton hoops: "Baby, even the losers get lucky some times!" And REO Speedwagon on the sad truth: "You know it hurts to say goodbye, but it's time for me to fly . . . " Skippy and Bat: Haschula vista, baby! Brandon "Wombat" Fogel is a narcoleptic freshman Physics major from Potomac, Maryland, whose favorite pick-up line is, "Excuse me, did you spill something on yourself, or are you just happy to see me?" Jason "Skippy" Seiden is a dazed and confused freshman Entrepreneurial Management major from Highland Park, Illinois. Jason and Brandon someday hope to legally change their names to IROC and Damone, respectively. "Real Men Aren't Called Quiche" appeared once upon a time on alternate leap days, and some Fridays, too.