Peeping-tom Gordon heads business

The Republicans are back in business. Josh Gordon -- arch-conservative, pro-lifer and staunch opponent of pre-marital sex -- now controls the purse strings of the DP. And while President Bush may be struggling with the U.S., Gordon is in firm control of the DP finance department and, by all accounts, he has done an admirable job. The Wharton junior, who high school classmates lovingly called Alex Keaton, has made it to the top. And true to Family Ties form, Gordon has already spoken with several brokerage firms on how to invest the DP's spare cash. But friends and relatives said this week that Gordon is tamer than his politics would suggest. In fact, Gordon still sleeps with a stuffed Mickey Mouse doll and gives Oliver North prominent position on his bedroom wall. Gordon's sister Caren Gordon said his new investment plans were not out of character for a guy who refuses to wear his "toy boat" underwear -- and would not wear jeans until high school. While Gordon tries to keep his social life a mystery to DP staffers, insider and former sheet mate Julie Leopold said Gordon's prowess definitely played a role in the "position" he received. It is conventional wisdom that Gordon constantly studies, but interviews with some of Gordon's closest friends revealed his obsession with mates. Past girlfriend of nine years Hilit Frenkel recalled several instances when the former badmitton star "literally went off the handle." "Gordon often got so enraged that he would burn the posessions that I gave him," Frenkel said. "He burned my things." While she also labeled him conservative, she noted that ever since they first created papier-mache in sixth grade he was skillful and creative. Frenkel added that while his conservative values may have generally forced him to act reserved in public, occasionally he would act a "little crazy." Often he was so inclined to lurk in the bushes just to peep in her window. Engrossed in his women, Gordon was even heard to battle over them. But his dating practices were not always as chivalrous -- often choosing to take his dates to Allegro Pizza. "[Gordon] is the most conservative guy I'd ever met," former roommate Richard Klein said. "He is so organized that even his underwear has a special place." While his fellow Tau Epsilon Phi brothers said they have confidence in Gordon, Wharton junior Klein did note that "in two years as an officer of TEP he was still unable to keep it together . . . so who knows what he'll do to the DP" Except for Hilit, Julie, Dolly, Cathy, Jen, Stacy, Elisha, Tara, Dana, Michelle, Karen, Carol and dream-date Susan and a drunken night at Murphy's Tavern where he found himself intertwined with a fraternity brother's girlfriend -- Gordon is as straight as an arrow. Wildlife aside, Gordon is generally considered among the best finance managers in DP history. His no nonsense style made him a star among his superiors and loyal staff. While Gordon's past may trouble those who had not been so well informed up to now, the top brass have the utmost trust in him. And many are concerned that last year's successes will be overshadowed by a man who business-wise can do no wrong. Although Gordon becomes engulfed with terror when he gets near a bug, a bicycle or recalls his defeat at the sixth grade spelling bee -- he misspelled "awkward" -- he's anything but scared when he grapples with DP business' $800,000 budget and its nearly 100 staff members.