A coach, a lawyer and a swimmer walk into a bar. Sounds like the beginning of bad joke.

It was a bittersweet weekend for the Red and Blue. This past weekend, Penn fencing dominated the arenas of Philadelphia during the Temple Invitational and the Quakers’ very own Philadelphia Invitational.

In its first action since a busy weekend where the team went 1-2 against three ranked Ivy squads at the Eastern Collegiate Athletic Conference Tournament, Penn men’s tennis rebounded swiftly with a 6-1 defeat of New Mexico.

Penn may not be best known for cranking out young superstars, but after this year, they just might.

Led by former Penn graduate student and current Penn math professor Nakia Rimmer, the Penn Basketball Analytics Group is in its first year of operation.

Penn basketball topped Brown by a score of 79-74 on Friday night at the Palestra before falling 79-58 to first-place Yale on Saturday.

Records are made to be broken — and for Penn men's track, another record fell on Saturday. At the Millrose Games, distance runner Tom Awad continued his torrid pace — literally — as he set a new Ivy League record for the mile time.

All winning streaks must come to an end, and Penn wrestling’s 13-year string of victories over city rival Drexel came to an end Saturday night.

On Friday, Penn women’s basketball struggled to find the basket. On Saturday, they seemed incapable of doing anything but. And yet both games they cruised to double-digit victories.

It was a tough test for the Quakers. And unfortunately, it wasn't curved. Penn basketball fell 79-58 to first-place Yale (18-6, 9-1 Ivy) on Saturday night at the Palestra.

On a day marked by inexplicably high temperatures, Penn men’s lacrosse generated some heat of their own.

Behind a career-best 25 points from senior guard Kasey Chambers and a first-half team offensive performance for the record books, the Red and Blue cruised to its ninth straight Ancient Eight victory, topping the Bulldogs 77-59

Well, this is a pleasant surprise. At halftime, Penn men’s basketball trails Ivy-League leading Yale by only five points as the Eli lead, 37-32.

This one was closer than it should have been. After struggling to gain separation early in the contest, Penn women’s basketball extended its perfect run through the Ivy League, defeating Brown on the road, 69-59, on Friday.

They say basketball is a team sport. Penn basketball proved that axiom true on Friday, as they downed Brown, 79-74, in a well-rounded effort that featured five different players scoring in double figures.

An Israeli-born fencer, a Canadian and an Ivy champion walk into a bar. And they’re all Shaul Gordon. The journey for one of Penn men’s fencing captains is far from usual, as the son of an Italian mother, the Israeli-born fencer now calls Richmond, British Columbia, his home.

That seismic activity you’ve been feeling recently has been Penn squash leaving opponents shaking in their boots after the team's wins. In a way you could thank coach Jack Wyant’s squad for the outbreak of parity that has left the College Squash Association rankings in tatters week after week.