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Today's your last chance to add classes—log onto Penn InTouch, open up PCR and grab that easy A.

JACKPOT!

Don't waste anymore tears crying over the Pronto's sad (but overdue) demise. The Regime has announced plans for another possible fun spot in West Philly. The Pennsylvania Gaming Control Board might open up a 5th Philly-area casino on this side of the Schuylkill.

All's Well That Ends (Harn)Well

One lucky tipster got more than she expected when she picked up her packages at Harnwell yesterday. Upon returning to her dorm, the resident was greeted with this friendly e-mail from the mailroom: GOOD MORNING, YOU JUST CAME TO THE PACKAGE ROOM TO PICK UP THREE PACKAGES. ONE WAS A MIX AND WASN'T YOURS. I NEED YOU TO BRING THE PACKAGE THAT WAS NOT YOURS BACK, AND GET THE PACKAGE THAT WAS YOURS WHICH IS STILL HERE IN THE MAIL ROOM. PLEASE DO THIS IN A TIMELY MANNER SO THE RIGHT STUDENT CAN GET THEY PACKAGE AND YOU CAN ALSO GET YOURS. IF THIS IS NOT DONE IN A TIMELY MANNER PENN SECURITY WILL THAN HAVE TO GET INVOLVED IN THIS MATTER. THANK YOU, AND SORRY FOR THE MIX UP. PLEASE RETURN THE PACKAGE THAT IS NOT YOURS ASAP. The Harnwell mailroom: they track those packages down like it's their job. Hopefully, they've already found the one leaning on their caps lock key.

Right Here, Right Now

If you're in the Class of 2013 or 2014, why are you online? Skimmer's still going strong until 7PM! So go on and grab yourself major freebies! (Stock up on some of that controversial Vita Coco before it hits the list next to Four Loko.) For the oldies and newbies missin' out, here are a few pictures you can live through vicariously.

Extra! Extra!

Ladies and gentlemen of the performing arts, now is your time to shine where everyone will see you. And you don't even have to flyer to make sure of it!

Magic Carpet, Meet Your Match

Attention all sorostitutes and skinny bitches! Pure Fare, a health-conscious café on 21st Street, is grabbing its trademark goodies and rolling over your way. Owners and siblings Kriti and Kunal Sehgal recently invested in a food truck, and they can't wait to feed you.

Bike-A-Thong

The third annual Philly Naked Bike Ride is comin' your way this Sunday, September 4th, at dusk. So consult with your local Orthodox Jew to figure out what exact time that is, get as naked as you feel comfortable, and head on over to...TBA.

The Man Behind The Button

Claes Oldenburg is an 82-year-old Swedish sculptor best known for featuring everyday objects in his work. If you know nothing about contemporary art and his name still sounds familiar, then you've eavesdropped on one too many visitors' tours. Oldenburg is indeed the man who created our beloved Button!

Your Back-To-School College Rankings

Among the 25 super quirky, unconventional, avant-garde lists posted on The Daily Beast, Penn managed to nab a spot on five, despite being an unimpressive, low-tier institution. If scrolling through 25 lists isn't how you like to spend your Mondays, we've got your back. Here are the Penn highlights:

If Herds Of Freshmen Aren't Your Thing

If you're moving in early, but NSO isn't exactly your cup of tea, check out the Philadelphia Live Arts Festival, and most importantly, the Philly Fringe, "an unfiltered festival, where a platform is provided for new and established artists to present their work free of a selection process."

Did y'all feel that? Don't worry, that wasn't an earthquake taking over the east coast. That was just God hugging us tighter.

Coffee Experts Spill

In all the time you've been shlepping trays of coffee for your coworkers this summer, ever wonder why the drops that somehow make it to your shirt have a surprisingly difficult time leaving it?

People Who Went To Penn And Now Brainwash Young Minds

One of these things is not like the other. Can you guess which one it is? Here it goes. A. Amy Gutmann B. Catherine Drew Gilpin Faust C. You

Fall Fest Theme Announced!

The third annual Fall Fest will take place on Saturday, September 24th and after much deliberation, SPEC decided to finally take a "chance" on this idea they pulled out of their community chest: Monopoly Edition!

Forbes Top College List Forces Us To Examine Why We Care About Rankings

Beginning in 2008, Forbes has released its own annual rankings of America's top colleges, in an effort to make the process more objective. "Unlike other lists, we pointedly ignore ephemeral measures such as school “reputation” and ill-conceived metrics that reward wasteful spending." Penn debuted at #61 its first year and #83 last year. This year, we climbed back up to #52.

Slut Is The New Bitch

The controversial SlutWalk movement that began earlier this year in Toronto is making its way to our neck of the woods. Sparked by the remarks of a police officer at a safety forum, who said "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized," the walk aims to reclaim the word "slut" and redeem it from its negativity.

Bachelorette Buzz: The Final Rose

Things that are unnecessarily dragged out and awkward: high school and any episode of The Bachelorette. That said, let's head into the final recap of Ashley's search for love or something like it.

Networking: Not Just For Wharton Anymore

Sick of going to all those career fairs that Helen and the rest of the gang insist are open to all majors only to realize that you don't know what "marketing" or "finance" really mean? In other words, are you an aspiring starving artist?

Bachelorette Buzz: Week Nine

On week nine of The Bachelorette, we leave all of last week's families back in the States and head off to Fiji with Ashley and her three boytoys. The episode begins with replays of past dates with the guys, accompanied by Ashley’s voiceover—which, because the show opened with the same thing last week, has become so predictable at this point that it could be formatted as a sing-along with a giant red rose bouncing over the words.

People Who Went To Penn: Geraldine Laybourne

Geraldine Laybourne graduated from Penn in 1971 with a master's in Elementary Education. Diploma in hand, she created Early Bird Specials, an independent company that produced programs for children.