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Sorry I didn't post this yesterday, but I was reading Monday's Washington Post and came across this column by John Feinstein. He discussed two recent examples illustrating "why college athletics are such a mess."
It's summertime, and you might be wondering just how great your gig is for the season. Sure, you know if it's what you wanted to do, but what good is that when you aren't sure how it compares to what everyone else is doing? We understand, which is why we're bringing you the UTB Summer Approval Matrix. The grid, inspired by a feature in one of our favorite magazines, can help you figure out where you stand in the hierarchy of summer.
Graduation weekend is a weird time, a weekend during which two totally separate worlds collide. There is the world of college and all that entails: your frat brothers, your girlie housemates, those guys and girls whose names you can't remember ("Oh hey... you!") . Then there is the world of your family, one of sibling rivalries, crazy grandmas and occasionally embarrassing parents. When these worlds meet on Locust Walk, awkwardness ensues. Along with the inherent awkward that arises when, say, your dad bumps into your one night stand outside ABP, there is the awkward that is captured in a glorious 3x5, forever to be on display in your parents' house: the family photo. UTB is here to remind you that, no matter how awkward you think your family is this weekend (and you will feel very, very awkward) there are families out there who are Way More Awkward. Who have awkward oozing out their pores. The lovely folks over at awkwardfamilyphotos.com have compiled all these hilarious faces for your enjoyment, like in the awesome picture below!
Here at UTB, we're already pretty jealous of Josh Bennett, what with the whole performing for the prez and MObama thing he's got going on. It's a jealousy we could handle; it's not like he got to play on Malia and Sasha's swingset or rub Bo's belly. But last night, our envy spiraled out of control when we saw Bennett on the Most Awesome News Program Of Our Time: The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. See the clip below for the latest 3 minutes and 29 seconds of Bennett's fifteen minutes of fame.
Now that the semester is over, you might actually have the time to expand your eatery horizons beyond the vast selection of burritos offered by Chipotle. We've already showed you how to find food right around campus, but we have a feeling you're a little bored of the Penn Bubble. We're going to trust that you've read Street's oh-so-official Dining Guide so many times the pages have worn thin and it's no longer legible. Well, worry not, because someone must have told Philadelphia Magazine about our love of lists (see also: things that are the best, people we envy, sex histories, bad metaphors) AND our need for... feed... because they have compiled The Philly Mag 50: the top fifty restaurants in Philadelphia. We give their list the Street Stamp of Approval (especially because we've recommended some of their top choices before!) so if you're in the market for a new place to satisfy your munchies - or, you know, take a study break - be sure to scope it out.
Our friend Brian Hwang writes in with some observations on the Penn student body.
Sports can be crazy stressful. Just ask Glen Miller, who was recently subjected to a basketball coach's equivalent of waterboarding. Or ask any diehard Quakers fan, who is distraught over two straight years of mediocrity.
Not just anyone can get into Penn. We have a super serious selective screening process. Accepted students were in the top whatever percent of our graduating class, in honor societies... or maybe we were just Varsity athletes... look, the point is, there's no way someone who has, say, a history of "institutional vandalism and felony criminal damage" could possibly get in. Especially when said history has been documented in the Chicago Maroon. Oh wait, actually, he did, and his name is Neil Gajare. And just in case you thought you hadn't yet seen the work of this Northwestern transfer/swastika-spray-painting-all-star, you may or may not have noticed that Rodin caught on fire last night. That was him! No worries; no one was injured, and boy got arrested (charged with arson - surprise!) The details of the incident - not the least disturbing of which being VP of Public Safety Maureen Rush's keen observation that "This individual could have killed up to 800 people in the high rises" - are in the DP.
You might be someone who always sees some YouTube video and thinks, "Damn, I wish I had that on my ipod!" Or maybe you're one of the seven or so people left on the planet who actually pay for their music. Either way, you're ready to make a change, so you could just push play whenever you needed to be motivated by Susan from that British American Idol, or when you want to set the mood on a hot date. Look no further than ListenToYouTube.com. Type in the URL, click download, and then magical internet elves will transform the video into an MP3 you can download straight to iTunes and enjoy.
Not that we don't love the winners of our Fling wristband contest, but we thought the ones that lost... well, lacked a little creativity. Putting "FL" in front of random words does not necessarily make them Fling-words. It just makes them a little flucked up. See below for a few of our ideas:
Last night's final Jeopardy category: "Colleges and Universities." (Okay, cool, we got this one...) Answer: “This two word term for a famous group of colleges 1st appeared in an AP story that ran in the Providence Journal in 1935.”
Let's say you lived in Hill freshman year. You had no air conditioning. Your double, for some inexplicable reason, was half the size of the single next door. In fact, your room was so small that you and your roommate could be in bed, reach out your arms, and hold hands (you know, if that's what you're into). On the last day of school, as you happily planned your move to the world of high rises, off-campus living, and beyond, you swore you would never return.
Class of 2009, are you wondering just how "innocent" Google C.E.O. and Commencement speaker Eric Schmidt really is? Sure, he might not look like the "Dick Cheney World Domination" type, but how do you know he isn't the incarnation of Big Brother himself? It's entirely possible that Maureen Dowd's column today is just another self-referential New York Times piece about The Death Of Newspapers And All Print Media As We Know It (cue scary music here), but it's just as likely that she's got a point about how creepy Schmidt could be. This is a man who claims "there will be no heroes" anymore. Because obviously Barack Obama can't be a hero since he might have picked his nose in elementary school (Editors' note: This is Schmidt's actual example.) The President, not a hero? Doesn't Schmidt know that man just got his girls a homeless Kennedy puppy?
After an initial winner, a scandal, a recount, 24 extra hours and 1017 (more) ballots, the Class of 2010 finally selected a Hey Day t-shirt! Congrats to Audrey Menco, whose design is below. Nicely done, juniors. Naturally we approve; you know how much UTB loves Dr. Seuss.
Welcome to another installment of our visual Penn survival guide, a collaboration between UTB and David Comberg's Information Design class (FNAR 337). Click on the thumbnail to see the full image. View previous images here.
The best place to feel inferior might be with other Penn students, but the best place to feel superior is... with high school students. UTB just got this email, a collection of the most awesome (read: awesomely bad) analogies and metaphors from real high school essays across the USA. They'd be really good, if they actually made sense.
We'd get closer but we don't want to start compulsively fist-pumping. Plus it's totally rude to just walk in Zete's living room.
Welcome to another installment of our visual Penn survival guide, a collaboration between UTB and David Comberg's Information Design class (FNAR 337). Click on the thumbnail to see the full image. View previous images here.
Look— it's Hey Day in Thailand!
Don't get the wrong idea people. We're not saying pulling out is a bad idea all the time (if you're only practicing safe sex "most of the time," it's probably a move you should master). If you are Akon, however, and your presence at Fling has been leaked, confirmed and promoted on this very blog, AND tickets for your concert cost a recession-unfriendly $30, you do not pull out of the Fling concert 11 days before you are slated to perform. You do not cite in The DP, as reasons for this sudden change of plans, "Penn's proximity to West Philadelphia and recent violent incidents surrounding the University - such as the shooting outside Philly Diner in February." That doesn't sound very hip-hop, but maybe that's because the real reason is that the self-proclaimed "player" doesn't want to put himself in proximity of a couple thousand drunk college girls. If he didn't pull out, we'd all obviously put out, and Akon can't let that happen: "Penn's just too dangerous, you know what I'm saying?"