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Good God, Not The Pronto!

The Pronto, otherwise known as the weird, incongruous wine vending machine in Fresh Grocer, is no more - for now, at least. According to Grub Street, all wine kiosks across the state have been shut down because of bugs in the system that "cause them to dispense the wrong bottles of wine, or in some cases, no wine at all." Drat.

Three And A Half Months Later, We Finally Get Our Korean Taco Truck

Well hot damn! Tyson's Bees, the Korean taco truck that we first heard about this summer, is finally here! If you can stand the cold, scurry on over to 33rd and Spruce (right in front of Franklin Field) for some delicious looking treats. Our tipster described the tacos as "pretty amazing. Like, really freaking good," and if that isn't enough to pique your appetite, maybe a peek at the menu will do the trick. Pork buns and rice bowls abound. Check it out after the jump.

Italians: Finally Catching A Break

Hey, Penn members of the National Italian American Foundation - did you know about this? Apparently, if you prove your membership in the NIAF, you'll get a free soda with your slice (or something - we're currently looking into it) at Allegro, which is now offering ethnically conscious promotions. Let's all put the residual shame of Jersey Shore behind us and move forward into a shiny, new world, made fat by discounted snacks. To my Italian brethren, I say: Auguri! Buona sera! Gabagool! Hooray!

Most Popular Student In Graduating Class Accepted Early

[Disclaimer: This article was part of our "Joke Day" series... if you couldn't tell by the usage of Comic Sans.] In news that will surprise practically no one at Westfield High, cheerleader, homecoming queen, and overall most popular student Christy Leeman earned herself a place in Penn's class of 2015. Even though early decision verdicts don't get released until tomorrow, staff in the admissions office decided to publicize their decision regarding Leeman earlier than all the rest in order to get on her good side and clinch an invite to her upcoming Yule Dance afterparty.

This Week In Crime

Brrr! It's cold out! Just as cold as the heartless, calculating bastards who continue to get their criminal behavior documented in the DP crime log! Fie! Fie on them and their lack of yuletide cheer! Come along and feed your bitter, end-of-semester blues with a report on crime most foul.

Free French Fry Feast - Fried food enthusiasts rejoice: you're in for an afternoon of gratis snacking courtesy of something called the "Heinz Ketchup Road Trip." They're giving away free french fries to promote some ish called "Dip & Squeeze" ketchup, which apparently "allows people to have fun dipping and squeezing more of the Heinz Ketchup they love with their favorite foods, wherever and whenever they want." Zippity doo dah! Go to 40th and Locust between 2:30 and 4:15 for some free ketchup and fries.

Attention Email Users: Free Dog!

If you're subscribed to practically any listserv, you've probably heard that assistant marketing professor Jonah Berger found a dog while biking in Fairmount Park last week - and now he's trying to give her away! Harnessing "the power of social networks" (as marketing professors are wont to do), Berger sent out an email that has shown signs of becoming the stuff of listserv spam legend (in the most adorable way possible, though). Here's the backstory: Know anyone looking for a dog?  Or trying to find that elusive perfect holiday gift?  Was biking in Fairmount Park last week and found and abandoned puppy, so thought I would use the power of social networks to try and find her a good home. Details: Still a puppy (around 1 year old) so pretty active and enthusiastic, but definitely housebroken and at least partially trained already.  Took her to the vet and outside of being a little underfed (something that is quickly being remedied J) she is in good health.  Should be around 30 pounds when she gets her weight back on. Super affectionate to people and other dogs and overall a really really sweet dog. Please let me know if you, or anyone you know might be interested. If you are interested, get in touch with Jonah at jberger@wharton.upenn.edu. Otherwise, just keep ogling this unbelievably cute puppy!

Your Grades, Now Available Via Email

Gone are the days of refreshing your transcript on Penn InTouch until you get carpal tunnel! You can look forward to a more fancy-free break this year, since you will now be notified about your grade postings by email. Please note, though: the emails won't tell you what your grades are, just when they've been posted. The DP reports that the UA voted unanimously in favor of this phenomenal new measure, which we think is just great. In a telling statement, UA Academic Affairs Director Faye Cheng said that "some representatives in the meeting even expressed surprise that this was not already in place." No duh. Way to get with the times Penn, and thanks to the UA for saving us a lot of frantic clicking.

UTB Lunch Week: Behold, The Gobbler

It's the first day of Lunch Week, and what better way to commemorate your Thanksgiving memories than with a *limited edition* theme sandwich from Wawa? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Gobbler. This elusive treat only shows up for about a month surrounding Thanksgiving, and every single part of it makes me wish that it was a year-round menu fixture. Turkey that's been simmering in a pit of gravy tops off a layer of Wawa's trademark stuffing; the final garnish is a dash of gelid, jellied cranberry sauce. Sure, the turkey does have notes of wet cat food, and the roll deteriorates almost immediately under the weight of the fast-food-Thanksgiving orgy happening up top, but hey - it's only around once a year! You have until around December 5th to try this delicious mess, so walk past Gia Pronto this week and relive Thanksgiving until you can't.

Shoutouts Are Due Today (Like, Right Now) - Time to release all that pent-up rage/adoration/annoyance! You only have until noon (12 pm EST) TODAY to send in your anonymous tirades (or, if you're a better quality of human, displays of affection), so get cracking! Send 'em to shoutouts@34st.com, and check out Low Brow's guide to writing the perfect Shoutout here if you're still unsure about how this whole thing works. Update: Deadline extended! Shoutouts are now due at MIDNIGHT TONIGHT.

Code Red! Code Blue! Code Red AND Blue! - Penn InTouch is down, likely because everyone is simultaneously freaking about their schedules. Happy first day of add/drop, everyone. We'll let you know when it comes back up. Update: Yeah, it's back up.

The Penn "Blogosphere": Apparently A Thing

In news that would feel more appropriate were it still 2003, the DP ran a story today on Penn student blogs, and it's equal parts baffling, silly, and just...strange? Our crusty old colleagues who still believe in the future of print have really stumbled a gold mine with this one! We think this topic is non-newsworthy (but just non-newsworthy enough to merit a post on UTB) for a number of reasons: first and foremost, Penn students are young people. And for young people today, maintaining a blog is almost standard practice, going back to the middle-school era of Xanga and LiveJournal. Second, the "Penn blogosphere" isn't really a community of any kind. The only thing that these blogs have in common is Penn student authorship. Third, like, so what? My mom has a blog for Christ's sake. Regardless, here's a list of the things that we learned about Penn students' loosely associated blogging habits.

FINALLY

Cream and Sugar, you've outdone yourself. The infrequently patronized candy-and-bagels joint has evidently decided to branch out into store bought frozen fare. Hooray. This way, you can pay (what we're guessing is) some absurd markup for the minor convenience of using someone else's toaster.

This Week In Crime

Hello, friends. We're so glad you could join us for another recap of the DP crime log. After a brief hiatus (read: nothing worth writing about happened), we've returned with a set of shenanigans that we think should get you adequately hot and bothered. What are we waiting for? Let's get started.

Nightingales, Assemble!

Yesterday, a group of nursing seniors plagued by senior society rejection sent out the following email to their fellow senior nurses. In all honesty, it deserves to speak for itself. Without any further ado, the email: Hello class of 2011! Has anyone noticed the flash-graffiti all over campus advertising that "tapping" has begun? Ever looked longingly at the hastily scribbled FRIARS or MB on your way down Locust? Well, we can't offer you that, but we are looking for senior first time undergraduates in the class of 2011 who are interested in helping us start the nursing school's first senior society, Nightingales! We will hold an interest meeting in room 214 on Wednesday, November 17 at 12 noon. All who are interested are welcome! Yipes. Our response is after the jump (in list form!) 1. Way late, guys. 2. Looking "longingly at the hastily scribbled FRIARS or MB on your way down Locust" might be signs of a greater psychological issue - for instance, full-blown sociopathy. a. Also, "Nightingale" has too many letters to be "hastily scribbled." If you're serious about this, it would behoove you to consider a different name. 3. You can't offer the "senior society experience?" a. What, even, is that? b. What, then, is the point? 4. We're pretty sure that the existing senior societies don't exclude nurses, so what gives? 5. Whatever, though - if you can't make it, fake it? Go for the gold, shoot for the stars, live your weird dream!

Great Places To Skype: Mark's Cafe

Oh, huh. How curious. Though we never really thought of the computers in Rosengarten as the ideal place to conduct a private, topless conversation, it looks like that's apparently a thing. Carry on!

Judah Friedlander At The Penn Bookstore - Judah Friedlander of 30 Rock will be at the Penn bookstore tomorrow to promote and sign his book, How To Beat Up Anybody. The signing starts 2 pm, so be there or live through your Saturday without having read a nonsensical string of words from a trucker hat.

Commentary Presented With Commentary

We value interaction with our readers above all else, and to commemorate this invaluable bond, we're bringing you another installment of Commentary Presented With Commentary. This week, we take a look at what our public thinks about high-profile arrests and cheap technology - we even get to hear a German perspective on things.

CVS Now Sells Netbooks

Hey, great - the CVS on 43rd and Locust finally started selling $100 netbooks. This modern world is full of marvels!

Wait A Minute - Did you go to Penn/Princeton on Saturday? Were you too shitfaced to notice that the IFC president got arrested? Because that totally happened.