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Senior Contest: You And Your Shit

(05/11/14 6:29pm)

Friends, knowledge, a return on your investment--all things you theoretically get out of a Penn education. If there's one thing you undeniably will take away with you, it's the thousands upon thousands of random Penn-related clothes, backpacks, mugs and more that you've gotten for free/bursared/bought from your sorority/sports team/Class know what shit we're talking about.

Frozen Ravioli, Frosted Flakes, Flip-Flops...

(04/29/14 7:16pm)

Tucked away in the corner of "Gourmet Grocer" under Commons, somewhere between the artisan meats and the remaining matzos, you'll find the flip-flop section. Not only does the ex-UnCommon Market sell flip flops, they display them, surrounded by other sunny day treats like free-looking sunglasses and Nerf footballs. It's your one-stop shop for F.I.T.S, and knowing UnCommon, it's ostensibly gluten free.

It's the Circle of Life, And It Moves Us All

(04/18/14 1:27pm)

Yes, you're right, that is a man holding a tiny white dog over the Huntsman Forum last night, Lion King-style. While we thought this was the stuff of campaign posters, it turns out to be our reality. The symbolism is apt; as one class of Wharton seniors fades into the dust of Goldman and insider trading, another group of biznass hopefuls have just clicked "accept" on the admissions website. Now sing it with us: NAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

There Goes The Neighborhood

(04/06/14 5:38pm)

Sometime between Insta-sunset last night and Insta-sunrise this morning, the Tamps were tagged. We can only speculate as to the meaning, which is surely some Illuminati shit-- "IRK AFE?" What looks like a poorly-rendered swastika? The number 800? We're calling in reinforcements. Presumably they'll catch the perp soon, as our campus is more surveilled than your average high-security prison.

(03/17/14 5:08pm)

Last Day To Submit Sublet Horror Stories Mice, roaches, dog hair, cat hair, human hair, missed payments, pissed neighbors. Put all those things in an envelope and send to by midnight tonight.