Friends, knowledge, a return on your investment--all things you theoretically get out of a Penn education. If there's one thing you undeniably will take away with you, it's the thousands upon thousands of random Penn-related clothes, backpacks, mugs and more that you've gotten for free/bursared/bought from your sorority/sports team/Class Board...you know what shit we're talking about.
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It's not hard to feel pretty grim during finals season. But sometimes, in the thick of things, all it takes is a little perspective to help you through. See the first five installations of this series here, here, here, here and here, and read on for another ten things that are arguably worse than finals.
This winter we brought you a poem to soothe your aching, finals-cramming soul. But now it's spring, and all we wanna do is get up and DANCE! So instead, enjoy this certainly-still-culturally-relevant parody of Katy Perry's seminal summer (2010) hit California Gurls.
Tucked away in the corner of "Gourmet Grocer" under Commons, somewhere between the artisan meats and the remaining matzos, you'll find the flip-flop section. Not only does the ex-UnCommon Market sell flip flops, they display them, surrounded by other sunny day treats like free-looking sunglasses and Nerf footballs. It's your one-stop shop for F.I.T.S, and knowing UnCommon, it's ostensibly gluten free.
Yes, you're right, that is a man holding a tiny white dog over the Huntsman Forum last night, Lion King-style. While we thought this was the stuff of campaign posters, it turns out to be our reality. The symbolism is apt; as one class of Wharton seniors fades into the dust of Goldman and insider trading, another group of biznass hopefuls have just clicked "accept" on the admissions website. Now sing it with us: NAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
They played our version of 2048, and they played it well. Their prize, as we're sure they expected, is the immortalization of their names on the internet! (We're a blog; we have no budget.)
Sometime between Insta-sunset last night and Insta-sunrise this morning, the Tamps were tagged. We can only speculate as to the meaning, which is surely some Illuminati shit-- "IRK AFE?" What looks like a poorly-rendered swastika? The number 800? We're calling in reinforcements. Presumably they'll catch the perp soon, as our campus is more surveilled than your average high-security prison.
You there, with your sensible shoes and your hiked-up pants. DID YOU THINK that you could so nonchalantly, slickly maneuver that bicycle through the already-congested sidewalks and walkways of our campus? Run those red lights like you own the place?
Today has been full of scandal and intrigue. But as sure as the waters of a Philadelphia spring monsoon, all contentious brackets must come to an end. With the aftertaste of FedNuts fried chicken still in our mouths, we move forward with heavy hearts. It's time to cast your vote for the CHAMPIONSHIP! We're on the edge of our seats.
Our newest feature, VP Gems, looks at the weird and wonderful contents of the Penn Libraries Collection.
Watch This Instead of Last Week's Scandal It's the NEC hearing that will determine Penn's political future! The dramz is palpable and the live-stream is addictive.
How many awkwardly-coiffed, Louis Kahn-lookin', vest-sportin' fellas does it take to win one adorable and well-dressed woman's heart? More than 5, apparently. Not even that classy two-speed was enough to keep her from looking profoundly uncomfortable. This bunch from 1963, cowlicks and all, has us dreaming of warmer climes.
Last Day To Submit Sublet Horror Stories Mice, roaches, dog hair, cat hair, human hair, missed payments, pissed neighbors. Put all those things in an envelope and send to Tips@underthebutton.com by midnight tonight.
Everyone's favorite honey-voiced misogynist is apparently at CHOP right now, giving some kind of interview. What business does Paula Patton's Slimy Ex-Husband have at a hospital, you may ask? Maybe he's going deaf! Maybe he's going blind! Maybe he's out of his myyyyy god that's stuck in my head for the next week now.
We all recently got an email that on May 30th, Blackboard and Penn will officially NO LONGER be in a relationship. To mark the end of an era, we wrote an ode. (As one does.)
Penn Delays Operations Until 10 AM Tomorrow What does that mean for your 9 AM exam? We have no idea but we're rooting for ya. Go snow go!
We've all thought it: "What if--instead of swiping into my dorm--I just ran and kept running, full speed, into the sliding glass gates?" We've never put it into action, but finally someone has! Sometime in the wee hours last night, an inebriated freshman made sweet, combative love to the Quad gates. They shattered, he was okay. A martyr for the cause.
Introducing our newest feature, VP Gems, in which we see what Penn's immense library catalog has to offer.
Non-Penn-Previews dining hall food got ya down? Sad, wrinkly peppers harshin' your mellow? Commons teaches us that a little imagination can go a long way when it comes to food preparation. It's like Shakespeare says: A pepper by any other name would still smell like tuna.
Before we even get to events, you should be made aware that there are a plethora of things you can do for your sweetheart this week that support some great clubs at Penn.