OP-ED: I'm Not a Bandwagon Eagles Fan, They're My Home Team Now
(11/12/17 3:06pm)
Look, I'm not a bandwagon fan of the Philadelphia Eagles.
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Uh Oh: Penn Constructing Buildings Faster Than Perelman Family Can Reproduce
(11/12/17 5:45pm)
You know what they say: stand anywhere on Penn’s campus, throw a rock, and odds are you’ll have dented a sign that says Perelman on it. Members of the Perelman family have given millions to Penn, and in return their names decorate everything from the Ruth and Raymond Perelman Center for Advanced Medicine, to the Perelman Quadrangle, to the Ronald O. Perelman Center for Political Science and Economics, to the Biff Perelman Center for Gastronomic Amelioration (formerly known as the drab green Penn Park outhouse).
This Freshman Wants You to Know That His Startup Is the Real Deal
(11/11/17 9:54pm)
Tony Hands (M&T ’21) is convinced that his startup will change the world, and he thinks you should be convinced too.
Big Moves: Amy Gutmann Offers Fine Arts Department as Sacrificial Lamb to Amazon
(11/11/17 6:02pm)
Talk about a power move!
OP-ED: Is It Just Me, or Are Grapes Really Expensive?
(11/11/17 7:02am)
Hello world, it’s me. I know a lot of crazy things are going on in this beautiful, dark, twisted fantasy we puny, ephemeral beings call life. Some good, a lot kinda suckish. So, I get it. You’re probably pretty busy right now. But I need to tell you about something. Something that people are not talking about. Something I find really, really important.
'Oh Yeah, I Love Weed,' Says Guy Smoking Wrong End of Joint
(11/11/17 6:58am)
Standing in a circle with people he just met that night, College freshman Gary Carr gripped a joint between his middle and ring fingers and pressed the lit end against his lips. “Ah, marijuana is great,” Carr professed. “Ouch! Better let this one cool down though!” he laughed, immediately reaching for some of the aloe he keeps in his back pocket.
Wealthy Student Throws Artisan Ciabatta Onto the Field at Halftime
(11/10/17 3:35pm)
During halftime at the football game on Sunday, slices of bread coated Franklin Field track as Penn students participated in the age-old tradition of throwing toast. Most of the toast was your average grocery store white bread, but one slice stood out: a gorgeous, thick, fresh-out-of-the-oven piece of ciabatta.
Checked-Out Senior Openly Shoots up Heroin in Writing Seminar
(11/10/17 3:00pm)
College senior Jeremy Stein is no normal slouch. No, this senior doesn't just doze off like your typical checked-out fourth-year would while his Writing Seminar professor explains (for the fifth time) the correct sequence of a mid-semester portfolio—instead, he spends class time injecting heroin into his arm, and has been for the past three weeks.
Students Now Able to Open PennInTouch in Two Tabs
(11/10/17 4:48am)
This past Tuesday, the University of Pennsylvania Information Systems and Computing department implemented a wave of new updates to student web portal PennInTouch. The changes came without warning and were the cause of a site-wide shutdown that lasted for two weeks.
Loophole City! Being Tagged Under This Photo Legally Commits You to the Egg Donor Job on Handshake
(11/09/17 9:16pm)
Be careful! If someone tagged you in the comments, you have to do it.
Bathroom Review: Ben on the Bench
(11/10/17 12:05am)
I can’t say I’ve peed on the Benjamin Franklin statue at Penn, but I can say I’ve urinated on the Benjamin Franklin statue at Penn. Thank you, Miss Katie, for teaching me about using scientific language, even though I raised my dactylion at you so many times.
OP-ED: If There Are Two Amazon Headquarters, Are They Horcruxes?
(11/09/17 4:25am)
Ever since Amazon announced that it was looking for a city to host their second headquarters, people have been going crazy trying to get their city selected. Philadelphia is no exception — Amy Gutmann has been working with city officials and various groups on campus to woo the company and convince Amazon to settle down in the city of brotherly love.
Future Penn ED Reject Confident He Will Write No More Applications
(11/09/17 3:43pm)
Edward Liu, a high school senior from Radnor, Pennsylvania, submitted his Early Decision application to Penn last week. Sources say that Liu is confident that application will be his last.
VIDEO: Homecoming 2017 Man on the Street
(11/08/17 10:10pm)
Alums share their thoughts on some of the biggest campus issues: dissection, gluten, and so much more.
I’m Sorry I Missed Your Birth, Son. I Had a Fourth Round Interview at Bain.
(11/09/17 4:18am)
My Beloved Son,
Career Advice Panelists Agree, "There Isn't One Path" to Success in Tech
(11/08/17 7:06pm)
Inspiring! Young Penn alums working in tech on the "Young Penn Alums in Tech" panel unanimously agreed that "there isn't one path" to making it big in the tech world.
Sustainability Win! This Girl Only Wears Clothes She Stole from Her Roommate
(11/09/17 4:14am)
With stronger storms like hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Maria occurring with increased frequency due to rising ocean temperatures, it is clear the threat of global warming is imminent. As President Trump and the Republican Party take a decidedly passive, if not regressive, stance toward environmental policy, America’s ability to help mitigate climate change has been left up to individual communities and actors.
OP-ED: I'm Socially Liberal, Fiscally Conservative, and a Bagel Purist
(11/08/17 5:13pm)
I’m tired of trying to hide who I am. The hyper-liberal pressure at Penn has created a political environment that’s incredibly toxic for people like me. To dissent is to risk social alienation and an entire college career of chalking my opinion on Locust. I’ve decided that my days of hiding my true political beliefs are through.
OP-ED: It’s Not Cold Enough for Peppermint Mochas
(11/08/17 6:12pm)
Everyone understands that the Starbucks’ Peppermint Mocha is the drink that reminds us that the holidays are near.
Penn inTouch Hacked by Quaker Nationalist Group
(11/08/17 6:27pm)
Just yesterday, Penn inTouch suffered a major security breach. Tired of Penn’s continued exploitation, a Quaker nationalist group took matters into their own hands, hacking into the servers of Penn’s information platform to wreak havoc on a number of unsuspecting students.