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Penn to No Longer Invest in Unethical and Unprofitable Ventures

(04/05/18 9:26pm)

This morning, administrators released a statement to the entire Penn community, stating that they would no longer invest in projects that were both unethical and unprofitable. The administration has never taken a stance on this issue until today, and the announcement came as a surprise to many. One student claimed that it was "even more unexpected than the decision to introduce flavored food into dining halls." 


OP-ED: Mr. Bouncer, If My Alcohol Is in a Water Bottle, It Doesn’t Matter What Color the Liquid Is, I Assure You It’s Water

(04/16/18 7:00pm)

Wow. How dare you not let me into this concert with my water bottle. I don’t care if the contents are bright red. Do you not see that the cap is completely sealed? Try opening it. You will hear the crisp snap of a fresh bottle. If that isn’t the sign of pure water, I don’t know what is.



3 Ways to Effortlessly Mention You Were Tapped for a Senior Society in a Casual Conversation

(04/03/18 11:48am)

Spring has sprung, everyone! And you know what that means. Senior society season is in full swing. Well, you probably know that already, because you've likely interacted with at least five people who have forcefully brought the topic up in conversation! If you're looking to be more like them, here's a few ways you can mention you were tapped for a senior society in a super natural way.



These Wharton Students Created a Seminar to Eliminate the Middle Class

(04/07/18 11:44am)

Big moves: a few intrepid Wharton students have teamed up to change the world forever. The front man of the group, Anthony Furman (W ‘19) explained that his seminar to end the middle class was a long time coming. “Let’s just finish what we started,” he said. “It’s not that radical when you really think about it.”


Wharton Installs Free Tampon Dispensers in Steinberg-Dietrich Hall to Make Up for Accepting 6 Women Into Class of 2022

(04/08/18 10:04am)

Wow! What a win for feminism: The Wharton School now has free tampon dispensers in Steinberg-Dietrich Hall! Although only six women were accepted into the Wharton class of 2022, this ensures that those six women can diversify executive boards across the country, all while menstruating! This is truly a revolution for future generations of Wharton women!





OP-ED: I’d Delete My Facebook, but I Don’t Know Any of My Friends' Birthdays

(04/01/18 5:02pm)

Facebook is the devil. Fake news, FOMO, unrealistic beauty standards, playing Words with Friends during class. Data leaks, cyber bullying, murders broadcasted on livestream. The 2016 elections, sad videos of starving polar bears, stalking your ex and his dumb new girlfriend. Political debates in comment threads, a newsfeed full of Under the Button posts, the 2016 elections. Everything about it makes me want to delete my account and throw my computer in the Schuylkill.