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(04/16/18 6:34pm)
Last Tuesday, an apocalyptic battle between Jehovah’s Witnesses and the street preachers broke out on top of the button, resulting in the deaths of at least three squirrels who were killed in the crossfire.
(04/17/18 2:17pm)
College Green was covered in sleeping high school seniors Thursday night, as a lack of willing hosts forced Quaker Days attendees to embrace the great outdoors.
(04/03/18 11:10am)
Much like many of his peers, Brad Tate (W ’19) cares about social justice. That’s why, at a recent Sixers game, he joined the “Free Meek” chant that broke out late in the third quarter. However, Tate has a secret.
(04/03/18 11:22am)
After nearly ten years in existence, you’d think that a club would learn to get with the program. Not so, it seems, with the ScriptProv theatre company.
(04/19/18 9:07am)
Right after accepting the Class of 2022, the Penn administration dropped a policy bombshell: starting this fall, all incoming freshmen will have state-of-the-art air conditioners installed directly on their persons. Incredible!
(04/05/18 9:26pm)
This morning, administrators released a statement to the entire Penn community, stating that they would no longer invest in projects that were both unethical and unprofitable. The administration has never taken a stance on this issue until today, and the announcement came as a surprise to many. One student claimed that it was "even more unexpected than the decision to introduce flavored food into dining halls."
(04/16/18 7:00pm)
Wow. How dare you not let me into this concert with my water bottle. I don’t care if the contents are bright red. Do you not see that the cap is completely sealed? Try opening it. You will hear the crisp snap of a fresh bottle. If that isn’t the sign of pure water, I don’t know what is.
(04/05/18 9:23pm)
“Boat race!” Anna Michaels (C ‘19) exclaimed cheerfully last Tuesday night as she downed a glass of Barefoot Moscato alone in her apartment. “What’s better than a little friendly competition after a rough day of classes?” she said, pouring herself another glass.
(04/03/18 11:48am)
Spring has sprung, everyone! And you know what that means. Senior society season is in full swing. Well, you probably know that already, because you've likely interacted with at least five people who have forcefully brought the topic up in conversation! If you're looking to be more like them, here's a few ways you can mention you were tapped for a senior society in a super natural way.
(04/04/18 7:31am)
A recent Penn study concluded that 100 percent of all undergraduate Architecture majors can, in fact, identify the Eiffel Tower.
(04/07/18 11:44am)
Big moves: a few intrepid Wharton students have teamed up to change the world forever. The front man of the group, Anthony Furman (W ‘19) explained that his seminar to end the middle class was a long time coming. “Let’s just finish what we started,” he said. “It’s not that radical when you really think about it.”
(04/08/18 10:04am)
Wow! What a win for feminism: The Wharton School now has free tampon dispensers in Steinberg-Dietrich Hall! Although only six women were accepted into the Wharton class of 2022, this ensures that those six women can diversify executive boards across the country, all while menstruating! This is truly a revolution for future generations of Wharton women!
(04/05/18 9:22pm)
Good luck explaining this one, Penn English Department. Silas MacDougal, a junior English major, recently went through a tough breakup with his boyfriend that led to a deeper existential crisis. And not once did he turn to poetry in his time of crisis.
(04/08/18 9:45am)
Are you ever stoned to the bone in class, but need a discrete, non-verbal way to tell everyone? With these Hawaiian shirts, you’ll practically scream “I am high!” as soon as you walk in the door.
(04/06/18 4:41pm)
Econ 264 Professor Michael Daniels grew suspicious after tragedy struck one of his students, Rebecca Burton (C ‘20), for the fifth time this semester, preventing her from completing her second midterm paper.
(04/01/18 5:02pm)
Facebook is the devil. Fake news, FOMO, unrealistic beauty standards, playing Words with Friends during class. Data leaks, cyber bullying, murders broadcasted on livestream. The 2016 elections, sad videos of starving polar bears, stalking your ex and his dumb new girlfriend. Political debates in comment threads, a newsfeed full of Under the Button posts, the 2016 elections. Everything about it makes me want to delete my account and throw my computer in the Schuylkill.
(04/07/18 11:38am)
(03/27/18 3:56am)
Everyone in the Penn community was pumped up at the start of the 2018 men’s basketball season. Steve Donahue, in his third year as head coach, was improving the program faster than anyone could have expected.
(03/27/18 3:57am)
To Whom It May Concern (Coach Steve Donahue):
(03/27/18 3:58am)
The men and women’s Ivy League basketball tournaments are leaving the Palestra.