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Most Uplifting Places On Campus, Volume I: College Green

(03/17/16 2:30pm)

After thirteen installments of the Most Depressing Places on Campus, we discovered that we were kinda bumming ourselves out. That's why, starting now, we'll be highlighting the most inviting, inspiring, and spiritually satisfying places instead. Y'know, just to remind everyone that there's more to campus than the solitary table in front of Gourmet Grocer. First up on our list of most uplifting places is...

PennApps Winter 2K16: The Hacks And The Hack Jobs

(01/25/16 6:59am)

Ah PennApps, a semesterly hackathon reminding us that engineers are willing to brave a record-breaking blizzard for some free food and a Google Chrome frisbee. Aside from all the free stuff given away in the Engineering Quad this weekend, hackers from all over the world also had a chance at over $52K in prizes from big league sponsors. With less than 48 hours to code something from scratch though, there's gonna be Venmos and there's gonna be uh-ohs. Here's our review of this season's harvest:

8 Penn Things That Could Use A Little More Halloween Spirit

(10/29/15 4:17pm)

Happy All Hallows' Eve Eve Eve folks! It's almost time for a weekend of trickery and treatery! But looking around at this lack of decor, it doesn't feel that Halloweeny tbh. Let's fix that. UA, Amy G, the squirrels—whoever's in charge of seasonal campus decorations at Penn—below are some suggestions on how you can spook things up around here before HAAAAAAALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEN!

Coming Soon: Wawa v2.0

(10/20/15 5:41pm)

Guys, get ready for the most life-changing tech update since iOS9. Check this sign posted at the 38th/Spruce Wawa announcing the date of their fall launch event. We can only speculate what the new version of WawaOS will bring; will we finally be able to choose a non-soggy sandwich option? Will they finally get rid of human interaction all together and replace their sandwich artisans with robots? Or will it just basically be the same thing but with a bigger screen? We'll all find out at 3am on October 23rd.

Website Of The Week: ???

(10/20/15 12:49am)

Here at UTB, we're committed to making the web a more beautiful place. That's why starting now, we'll be regularly reviewing websites that belong to Penn's many student organizations. There's a lot of embarrassingly neglected domains, questionable content, and sorority sites that have been hacked by Chinese gamblers out there, and we want to share them with you, the world wide web. 

Staying In Philly For Fall Break? Here Are 10 Places You Should NOT Check Out

(10/08/15 4:48am)

Happy fall break, Penn! If you're staying on campus, you've got four whole days to study for that Monday midterm explore sunny Philadelphia. Looking for things to do in the city? Try this awesome website. But if you're wondering what not to do over fall break, you've come to the right place. Here are 10 little-known spots that should stay that way.

The Dalai Lama Pranked Us

(09/26/15 5:51pm)

Remember when the Dalai Lama said he was coming to Philly next month? Well, turns out His Holiness just wanted to see what malicious deception felt like. That's right, he cancelled on us, and he's probably sitting there, laughing in his Mayo Clinic hospital bed knowing he single-handedly bummed out an entire city. Look Mr. Lama, we get that Pope Francis is a tough act to follow, but that doesn't mean you can just give up and lie in bed just because some doctors told you to. Sigh.

Race To The UA Fall 2K15: Here's A List Of Freshmen Who Want A Resume Boost

(09/16/15 4:25am)

Ah, can you smell it in the air? Do you not even care? Because in case you're not  aware, it's that time of year again: UA elections! Obligatory sound effect! A lot of freshman egos are on the line, so we want to make sure everyone knows how good these candidates are at making posters and inviting people to Facebook events. After all, that's basically what the UA does, right? 

12 Things We Wanna See At PennApps XII

(09/03/15 10:52pm)

The twelfth biannual PennApps—you know, the place where all your Engineering friends disappear to for three days—is starting tomorrow. We have some THC-intoxicated expectations for you hackathoners out there...but we also know how hard it can be to come up with and create an app in a single weekend, so we thought we'd do you a solid and throw out some ideas:

Felines Are Closer To World Domination Than We Thought (Philly's Getting A Cat Café)

(06/23/15 10:01pm)

From the shores of Japan to the shores of Jersey, the cat café phenomeownon has landed. Kawaii Kitty Café is expected to open sometime in December under the guise of "adoption center fused with a café," which is catspeak for either "world domination headquarters" or "human trap."

15 Unflattering Photos Of People Who Could Kick Your Ass

(04/25/15 8:11am)

If there's one thing Penn Relays showed this week besides the payoff of training and dedication, it's that the athletes are legit Darwinianly better than the rest of us. They can outlive us in a zombie apocalypse, outlive us in general, or just straight up kick our ass if they wanted to. Let's face it: something like a couple unflattering pics wouldn't even phase them. So on behalf of those of us who get tired just thinking about Penn Relays, let alone participating, Under the Baton presents: