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For the first time, SWAMIS can now be experienced online.

There's a sad(!) sort of clanging from the clock in the hall, and the bells in the steeple too. And up in the DP office our absurd President Carter is popping out to say cuck-oo.   

I'm not going to take shots at Carter though. Even though he took shots at me earlier today. I mean, why would Carter insult me by telling me "I hate looking at you," when I would NEVER tell him "your ill-fitting plaid shirts and mediocre facial hair provide value only in that they distract momentarily from your poor decision-making?" Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend — and maybe someday that will happen!     

But before we say auf Wiedersehen to Swamis 2017, we must give thanks. After all, when next Thursday rolls around, there will be no Swamis. There will be no sports section. There will be no newspaper! Weird, right? A day on which a publication called the "DAILY Pennsylvanian" doesn't come out? Well, on November 23, 2017, that nightmare will become a horrifying reality. 

Thank you, Brevin, for neglecting to submit your Swami picks and leaving the championship wide open in this final week. Thank you, juniors getting their P sweaters this week, for making me feel old and therefore mature. And thank you to our readers. Both of you.

Prediction: Penn 35, Cornell 14