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[DISCLAIMER: Swamis is a Daily Pennsylvanian tradition in which select members make jokes and predict the results of Ivy League football games. You may not find it funny, but that’s your fault for looking. Enjoy! -Will Snow, Senior Sports Editor]


As in, "Boo! Scared you!" Because it's Halloween, and SWAMIS are accordingly spooky. NOT a disgruntled "booooo" because Penn is winless in Ivy League play after allegedly winning two championships in a row... although that's not exactly worth a "hurrah." 

I'm not disgruntled. Losing happens. But I wouldn't call myself gruntled, either. And if Penn loses the Toilet Bowl this week, I'll definitely be disgruntled. 

That's right, Saturday will bring the matchup we've all been waiting for, Penn vs. Brown. A battle to avoid last place and the shame of a winless season. 

If you're not first, you're last. If you're last, you're definitely last. If you tie for first, it's kind of debatable, so the Quakers have sort of fallen in a gray area the last couple years.

The Quakers' best bet to win is if their starting quarterback goes as Alek Torgersen for Halloween. But even if nobody manages to pull off that difficult costume (that mustache!), Penn should still be able to beat Brown. Both teams are 0-3 in Ivy play and 2-4 overall, but Penn has suffered close losses while Brown has routinely gotten trounced. 

I'm not saying Penn is Reese's Cups, but Brown is, like, raisins. 

Prediction: Penn 35, Brown 7