The Daily Pennsylvanian is a student-run nonprofit.

Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on our site.

237z0wex
Sophomore guard Tyler Bernardini (male) is excited to fill many 'holes' on the women's roster. Get it? Holes? Shit, we're good.

*This article appeared in the 2009 joke issue.

By TITS McGEE Lady Staff Writer tits@dailypennsylvanian.com

Another sophomore hoopster has flown Glen Miller's coop.

And this one's going to hurt even more than it did to watch Remy Cofield and Harrison Gaines hang up their sneaks.

Tyler Bernardini, Penn's leading scorer the past season and the 2008 Ivy League Rookie of the Year, announced yesterday that he will be the latest member of the Class of 2011 to wave goodbye to Miller and company.

But, unlike comrades Cofield and Gaines, Bernardini won't be leaving Philadelphia, or even the Palestra, behind. Instead, he'll take a short walk down the Palestra's hallway to the women's basketball team's locker room, where the Lady Quakers will welcome No. 3 to their roster for the 2009-10 season.

"It's nothing personal against Coach Miller. I wish him and the guys the best," Bernardini said. "I just feel as if my head belongs in women's hoops."

Always the source of a good quote, this line from Bernardini is particularly baffling.

Perhaps the guard from Carlsbad, Calif., was referring to his oft-concussed head that caused him to sit out the last three games of the season and that plagued him in his rookie campaign, as well.

The impact of a collision with a 5-foot-8, 145-pound woman just won't do the damage to that precious Bernardini brain that a clash with a North Carolina power forward would.

Or maybe there's a deeper side to the tall, goofy sophomore that none of us know. Perhaps the drama and struggles of this season became too much for Bernardini's psyche to handle.

"He is actually very sensitive," friend and now former teammate Jack Eggleston said. "He makes me watch The Notebook with him and he cries every time."

Sure, the Pat Knapp-less women could use a lift after a 9-19 season and the graduation of first team All-Ivy forward Carrie Biemer.

But the men aren't exactly hanging banners in the Palestra rafters these days either. So what really provoked Bernardini to abandon the team he's being counted on to lead?

"He probably just wants to live with me," said Eggleston, who shacks up with five women - including two lady hoopsters - in an off-campus house.

Bernardini, for his part, isn't denying it.

"I just miss my best friend," he said, tears rolling down his cheeks. "I miss him."

Comments powered by Disqus

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.