Zachary Levine: As year draws to a close, let's Penn an overdue ode

With 25 days to go until graduation, it's time for you to do that one thing that you've always wanted to do, yet have never gotten the chance.

For some of you, maybe it's having sex under the button, or it's a five-course meal at Le Bec-Fin.

For me, it's writing a column in poetry.

Don't know why. Maybe I'm inspired by Stephen Danley's spoken word. Maybe I'm just tired of the same 18 column-inches of prose every week.

So in the spirit of no regrets, I present the preview of next week's Year in Review in poetic verse.

But what kind of poetry? Haiku? Might work.

Columbia at Penn football Oct. 14, 2006

Norries Wilson's rant:

Penn is who we thought they were.

No, much funnier.

Nah, not really a fan of haikus. Too much counting.

How about knock-knock jokes. It's not exactly poetry, but it's sure different.

Yale at Penn basketball March 2, 2007

Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

Fran.

Fran who?

Jeez. At least wait until Miller wins a Tournament game.

No. Let's stick with poetry. How about the limerick?

Penn at Princeton football Nov. 4, 2006:

Old Bagnoli's in need of a fix.

2-2 thanks in part to the kicks

Lost two striaght in OT

Now they're going for three

Maybe next time, start going for six.

I'm fresh out of ideas, so let's keep going with that one.

After football season, we saw a new face appear on campus. The face looked a little familiar, and not just because he coached Brown for all those years.

FGCU at Penn basketball Nov 18, 2006

A dead ringer for Stephen Colbert

With the same face and similar hair.

Not reporting on troops

But coaching Penn hoops

Just please never pronounce it Mill-AIR.

But Glen and the boys weren't the only winter sport in town.

Wrestling at NCAAs

March 15-17, 2007

There've been back-to-back champions aplenty

Since the Yanks won rings 19 and 20

Now the tiniest of these

From the one-thirty-threes

Is back-to-back champ Matt Valenti

Then after the winter sports season, we had this bombshell coming out of Princeton.

Denver press conference March 21, 2007

Alumni up in your jockeys?

No more Venables or even Wysockis?

Don't stay there and rot.

Just pull a Joe Scott

And hightail it off to the Rockies.

Then it was time for baseball season, where the Quakers had a little trouble holding leads before they turned it around on their way to first in the Ivy League.

Columbia at Penn baseball March 25, 2007

The guy who just talks to the press

'bout weapons and the whole Iraq mess

Looked up from the wars

And read Penn box scores

Even he'd never seen such 'BS'.

Now as spring turns to summer, I leave you with one for next year, when the hoops team will break its nine-game NCAA Tournament losing streak.

If they just listen to my one little piece of advice.

Nine straight losses can be quite deflatin'

Here's a plan that there's no use debatin'

Just win all the Ivies

Tank all the Big Fivies

And hop on the next flight to Dayton.

Zachary Levine is a senior mathematics major from Delmar, N.Y., and is former Sports Editor of The Daily Pennsylvanian. His e-mail address is zlevine@sas.upenn.edu.

Please note All comments are eligible for publication in The Daily Pennsylvanian.