The French don't know Jack about
Independence
July is here again, and with it comes the greatest holiday this side of St. Peter's Square. The Fourth celebrates everything that is great about our culture: guys on stilts dressed like Uncle Sam, BBQ hot dogs and hamburgers, cheap beer, and fire-lots of fire. Sunoco, in another American tradition of the corporate whoring of National celebrations, again sponsors this year's Welcome America!, an eight day festival visiting over two and a half centuries of American Heritage.
Events start off slow earlier in the week, with a daily music festival in Love Park, and screenings of the new Superman movie, as well as an art festival on South Broad. Opportunities abound for self professed history nerds like myself, as the Constitution Center is hosting both George Washington and Thomas Jefferson on successive days, despite both being dead for 200 years.
A Taste of Philadelphia is planned for July 1, featuring 14 of Philly's greatest eateries, including the Capital Grille, McCormack and Schmick's, and Ted's Montana Grill. Directly afterward, Penn's Landing hosts a live R&B; concert followed by fireworks. This is not premature firework ejaculation however, as the display is billed merely a pre-cursor to the culmination of the week's festivities at the foot of the Philadelphia Art Museum. Other notable events at the museum include a weeklong screening of movie favorites including Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and Rocky under the stars.
Taller Puertorriqueno, in an effort to show their allegiance to their adoptive country, as well as to assuage the xenophobes in the city, has a fiesta planned for the third. Taller will feature authentic Puerto Rican and Latin foods, dancing, and music from 4-8:30, and promises to be an incredible sampling of Latin culture, all through a celebration of our country. At the climax of the fiesta is a raffle for two free Southwest tickets, as well as a performance by renowned Brazilian musicians, and Philly's own Latin Fury Dance Group. Joey Vento will not be in attendance, due to a moratorium on greasy racist assholes that run steak shops on 9th and Passyunk. All other greasy racist assholes are welcome.
I know a kid who, 15 years ago, got a stick of dynamite from Mexico on July 3rd, and to demonstrate his Patriotism, promptly blew off four of the fingers on his left hand. Fortunately, Stumpy will not be operating the kick ass fireworks display on the Fourth. If you don't like fireworks, you are either a communist, or a straight idiot. Either way, be on the Parkway on the Fourth. Granted, no one of our generation is likely to get their britches sweaty over the scheduled performers: Lionel Richie, and American Idol winner, Fantasia. However, the Sunoco Firework Show is worth 10x the price of admission, which is nothing. Also, get your food early on the street, as it's likely to go quick, and you will be hungry. If you are so inclined, as I am, watch the parade, put on by Southwest Airlines from 6:30-8:30. Additional information can be found at americasbirthday.com. See you there.
