Rediscovering a dream

For as long as I can remember, I've wanted to host my own talk show. Not a trashy Jerry Springer-style show, but something like a mix between Oprah, The View and Larry King Live. What could be more fun than talking and listening to fascinating people while getting paid?

This dream became my golden ticket to Penn, coloring my college essay with the passion characteristic of the ideal "Penn kid." The admissions office saw fit to invite me into an elite group committed to spending our next four years breaking ground in the foundation of our life goals.

Then I found out about on-campus recruiting.

I got my wake-up call pretty late in the game. After spending the spring semester of my junior year abroad in Ghana, I arrived home for a leisurely summer in Harrisburg with my family. I was on a weekend excursion to New York, when I got my first taste of the job frenzy that would take over campus come fall.

"What are you doing this summer Lola?" asked a classmate.

"Oh, I'm just spending it at home helping with the family business."

My classmate stared at me in a mix of pity and horror.

"Oh," she said, "That's so nice of you!"

After I found out she was a summer analyst at a major financial corporation, I got to thinking about my own future. I had always planned to pursue my dream by working my way up the ranks in either print or television media. But what if I never made it? And how would I live on an entry-level writer's salary: between $15,000 and $20,000 a year? How could I keep up with my friends who were entering the business world?

I began to think of all the things I would have to sacrifice. Fine dining, fancy bars, expensive apartments ... none of these would be accessible on a journalist's salary. I decided to explore my options in the wonderful world of OCR.

My new plan left everyone entirely confused, especially my parents.

"I thought you were an English major," my dad said.

Not knowing what area to pursue, I decided on the field that seemed most receptive to non-Whartonites: consulting. After traipsing to Nordstrom to purchase a business suit, (with colorful pinstripes for "a little something extra") I began to work on my presentation.

My resume wasn't pink and scented, but my epic six-paragraph cover letter attempted to demonstrate a passion for the industry. I convinced myself that consulting was the career for me.

Though L'Oreal and Monitor didn't pick up what I was putting down, Katzenbach graciously selected moi from its stack of many overqualified applicants. Last Thursday on my way to the McNeil building, I could almost taste the signing bonus. I even began to draw parallels between helping people on a talk show and helping people with their business problems.

A few hours later, I knew it was over. I bombed the interview, bumbling through the case question and unable to display my usual confidence and wit. I was confronted with an overachievers worst nightmare: failure.

After two hours of therapy (ice cream and Felicity on the WE channel) I realized that my "failure" put me back on track. I thought about how empty the interview had made me feel. It was nothing like the sense of fulfillment I have always found in writing and interviewing.

I remembered the 17-year-old version of myself imagining the life I had always wanted. Becoming a part of the Penn community was the first step in achieving those dreams. Could I really let the allure of a lavish lifestyle in the big city draw me away from my true aspirations?

I say this at a critical crossroads in the lives of many Penn seniors. We have to be true to ourselves. Rejection made my decision easier this time, but it won't always be this way. Money is important, but with passion it will come. I have nothing against OCR or consulting, I simply urge us to remember that we only have one shot at planning our lives. Let's strive to do it right.

If you find what you love in the business world, don't let anything stand in your way. But, if you are anything like me, get excited to work toward your goal. If worse comes to worse, take comfort in knowing that you've got business-minded friends to foot the bill at the end of the night.

Titilola Bakare is a senior English major from Harrisburg, Pa. Notes from the Underground appears on Thursdays.

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