On any given night, thousands of men and women across the country can click on their televisions and view the romantic exploits of characters in popular shows such as Sex and the City and Friends. In the media world, urban, career-driven singles reign supreme, and all classic notions of domesticity are oddly out of place.
There seems to be little cultural pressure to marry young. College attendance rates are higher than ever, and the average marrying age (25 for women, 27 for men, according a study done by the Census Bureau in 2002) steadily increases each year.
Still, some Penn undergraduates have found a way to combine the individualism of university life with marriage. Trading parties for play dates and dorm life for shoebox starter apartments, they have amended the traditional notion of college life. From being engaged to married with children, these three student couples share the joys and tribulations of tying the knot.
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Claudia & Jason — Work and Play
In their tiny, Bohemian, one-bedroom apartment on the top floor of a dark, classically styled row house, Jason Lewis is threatening the largest of three cats with an enormous neon water gun. Jason's fianc?e, Claudia Jones, her face framed by long, blond hair and retro-style glasses, finds the scene hilarious.
"They're like our children," she says of the animals who blissfully inhabit the distinctive, wood-paneled room, with its assortment of fringed rugs and colorful paintings. She lights incense. "One day, I told him to buy a little water pistol to get the cats to listen. He comes back with this enormous thing."
Jason and Claudia have lived together since last June. She is currently finishing up a submatriculate program in environmental studies, while he is a senior working on a five-year master's in anthropology. Their wedding is set for May 2005.
"Once you get engaged, everyone starts asking you, 'When are you going to set a date?' So, finally, I set the date, and now my mom is like, 'We've got to start planning the wedding.' No, Mom. You are going to wear what I want you to wear and show up when I want you to," Claudia laughs.
"I held off telling the guys I lived with for a good month or two," Jason admits. "I was afraid they'd say that I'd sold out. But when I talked to them about the wedding, they were so excited to go."
After dating for about half a year, the couple got engaged in the fall of 2002. On a vacation to Florida, Claudia picked out a ring.
"It seems fast, but at the time, it didn't feel fast. We became friends very quickly and easily. I felt like I had known him for a long time," she says, smiling. Jason places his hand over hers.
He is more serious and contemplative than his free-spirited fianc?e. "It was always a concrete idea in our minds."
Friends and family were thrilled to hear of the engagement. "I think my parents like him more than they like me," Claudia jokes.
Jason admits that he was fearful of being judged too young to marry. But he found the opposite reaction. "Actually, people respect us more for being at this level at such a young age."
Still, there are certain concerns.
"The main difficulty when you're engaged at this age is getting into similar programs," Jason says. He is referring to the couple's desire to pursue Ph.D.s in their respective fields of study. They are looking at Stanford University and University of California, Berkeley but plan to first spend a year living and working in Philadelphia to save money.
"Every decision she makes affects my life, and vice versa," Jason explains in a straightforward manner. The couple faces their challenges with an assured realism.
"It's just prioritizing," Claudia emphasizes. "If you want to prioritize your career first, that's fine. If you want to try and balance things, that's fine too."
And at least they can take solace in the fact that Claudia has already resolved one potential battle.
"We don't have to fight over the remote. It's on my side of the bed, and it's my remote."
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Keith & Lindsey — Just Like Their Parents
When Keith Tonsager decided to propose to Lindsey Marquardt, his girlfriend of nearly three years, he planned a romantic summer evening downtown: dinner, followed by a nighttime stroll through Rittenhouse Square. It was there where he planned to offer her the ring he had purchased.
But things did not go exactly as planned. When a meeting ran late, the couple's transportation options became limited.
"I said to myself, I'm going to take a walk with her and propose in Clark Park [at 43rd Street and Woodland Avenue]. And she said, 'I don't want to go in there because it's dark and scary,'" Keith recalls, smiling.
Lindsey, energetic and vivacious, is quick to offer a defense. "It was like 1 in the morning! Probably not such a good idea," she laughs.
But propose he did on the way back from their walk, and now the two plan to wed this June in their hometown in South Dakota.
The seniors, both in the College, first met each other in high school, where their shared love for debating brought them together.
Keith was accepted to college in Minnesota, while Lindsey came to Penn. They officially began dating the summer after their freshman year.
Soon, the distance proved too much, and Keith decided to transfer to Penn.
Since that time, they have shared an apartment, a group of friends and positions on Penn's debate team.
When the time came to discuss marriage, however, there was no arguing. "She gave me a deadline for the proposal, and she wanted a year in advance to plan the wedding. So, since she wanted to marry the summer after senior year, I had to propose by June or July of 2002," Keith recalls with wry humor. Lindsey laughs when he uses the term "deadline."
"We'd been talking about it for a long time. We were like, 'Why wait?' He had given me a promise ring about two years ago," she explains.
And age had little influence on the decision. "Our parents were younger than us when they got married," Lindsey recalls. Both friends and family "kind of expected it. They were really happy and excited."
Life in the shared apartment is domestic but egalitarian for the two. Keith does a fair amount of the cooking, and the couple often enjoys low-key evenings spent together. On the weekend, they frequent bars, but "going to bars isn't that much fun because, you know, people go there to meet each other," Lindsey explains. She pauses reflectively. "There is a different atmosphere when we go out, but it's still fun."
By the time Lindsey enters law school next year, the two will be married. Their futures right now hinge on where she gets accepted. "I'm going to go wherever she goes," he laughs.
The couple finds amusement in other people's reactions to their situation.
"People think that when you get engaged, you're going to be a completely different person," Lindsey says. "But you're not. You just have a ring. We're still normal people."
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Sarah & Jedd — And Baby Makes Three
In a small, two-bedroom apartment a few blocks off campus, Sarah Griffin-Trott and Jedd Trott relax with their 18-month-old daughter, Sophie. Their home is warm and small, cozy and lived in. Sophie's toys are strewn about the living room, with its high ceilings and ornate fireplace.
Sarah is outgoing and friendly; her husband is soft-spoken but articulate and reflective. Both exude a certain maturity beyond their years. And, in many ways, they are already living adult lives. Both are full-time students, juniors in the College. They are also full-time parents to Sophie.
"March 18, 2002," Sarah recalls without a pause. Their wedding day was nearly two years ago.
Both were freshmen at the time, living in the Quadrangle. Pictures of the couple sit on a nearby table -- Sarah in her elegant gown, and Jedd in his tuxedo. They look excited and happy, like any other newlyweds would.
"If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have spent as much money on the wedding," Sarah laughs, but there is a degree of solemnity in her tone. "I know now that it was one day. It isn't as important looking back as it was at the time."
Being young, unemployed for most of the year (Jedd works summers), and receiving no financial support, the couple is forced to factor money into every decision they make. Then there's the rent.
"Loans," Sarah says. "Lots of loans." Fortunately, if Sarah works in the Philadelphia public school system for five years as planned, she will receive loan forgiveness.
The couple also receives less financial aid than they would if they were not married.
"The University changed my status to commuter," Jedd explains. "So I don't get nearly as much aid as I used to."
They face additional pressure from friends and family, who were less than thrilled at the prospect of Sarah and Jedd marrying after little more than a semester together. "I think our parents were kind of skeptical," Sarah says.
She pauses. "But we've definitely drifted a little [from our friends] because we live such different lives." When socializing is the norm among their peers, Sarah and Jedd find themselves adrift, caught in limbo.
"We're sort of alienated from a lot of people because most other parents are in their 20s and 30s, and most other college students don't have kids," Sarah admits. "So, we're kind of boxed out."
Now they are busy shuttling Sophie's stroller around campus and scheduling classes so that one parent can be at home with her at all times.
Here, in the quietness of their rather unorthodox college life, during the precious spare moments found between classes, diapers and homework, Sarah and Jedd are happy.
"I've never actually doubted the marriage," Sarah says. Seated together on their couch, the couple both speaks of and shows a strong underlying friendship.
As for future children? "Definitely. We want at least four or five," they laugh. "But not for a little while."
Design by Michelle Sloane
Photos by Allie Abrams-Downey and Ryan Jones
