Stephen Preston: Questions? Forget them! It's Arbitrary Day.

Welcome back! Hope you all had a happy Arbitrary Day.

This is a good time to reflect on the true meaning of Arbitrary Day, since so many people seem to forget what it's really all about.

Arbitrary Day is, of course, that randomly chosen Friday when students have no classes. My freshman students always seem confused about it.

"Why that Friday?" Well, why not?

"Why only one day?" Hey, who asked you?

"What are we supposed to do, then?" How should I know? Can't you ask someone else?

While Penn students may not understand the nature of Arbitrary Day, the administration has gotten much more into the spirit.

For example, Robert Martin is leaving his position as CEO of the Health System. Did he have another offer? No, he's just going to take some time off. Was he forced out by the administration? No, they say he was doing a great job. "But it just seems so arbitrary," you think. Exactly!

President Rodin is celebrating Arbitrary Day by appointing Major General Clifford Stanley as Executive Vice President. Why should a Marine Corps officer with no experience in higher education be appointed the second most important official at one of the eight most well-known Ivy League schools in the country? Why not, on Arbitrary Day?

And although the holiday began at Penn, it has spread around the country.

For example, the U.S. Senate was so eager to celebrate Arbitrary Day that, like children anticipating their Christmas presents, they ran down the steps of the Capitol building just after midnight to give war powers to President Bush to invade and occupy Iraq. The House, with its younger and less patient members, did it a day early.

Senator Arlen Specter underwent a Scrooge-like conversion on Arbitrary Eve. On Thursday, when Senator Robert Byrd of West Virginia tried a filibuster to delay the vote, Specter was one of the only two Republicans to support him. It seemed, for a moment, that Senator Specter had somehow found the courage to oppose the war.

But the Ghosts of Capriciousness Past, Present and Future must have paid him a visit, because in a few short hours he had arbitrarily abandoned his objections. By the end of the night he had shrunk to Senator Speck, meekly caving in to the rest of the Republicans and voting for the war resolution. I had been about to call him and thank him -- in fact, I was about to volunteer for his re-election campaign -- but once again he proved a disappointment.

The entire war "debate" was absurd. In 1991, when Saddam Hussein had violated international law by invading Kuwait, the war vote in the Senate won just barely. This time, with no provocation whatsoever, the war vote got over 75 percent. This would be baffling to anyone without an appreciation of Arbitrary Day.

I have to admit that I haven't entirely gotten into the spirit myself: I still can't quite understand why a war in Iraq is necessary, considering that Saddam Hussein hasn't actually done anything to provoke us. I'd much rather be celebrating Arbitrary Day without killing thousands of innocent people. I know I'm not alone.

Despite the conventional wisdom, the vast majority of the public is opposed to war. The polls have been very consistent. Of course, when asked whether they support the use of the War Fairy to fly into Baghdad to wave her magic wand and depose Saddam Hussein, most people say "sure."

But when asked whether they would support a war with significant casualties, or a war with no international support, or a war without the legal backing of the United Nations, or under any of the other conditions that are actually happening, Americans have said "no." In a recent CBS-New York Times poll, two-thirds of respondents said the war should be postponed until weapons inspectors have gone to Iraq.

Personally, there's only one condition under which I think this war should be fought: if everyone who wanted it actually went to Wal-Mart, bought themselves a rifle and sailed into Baghdad themselves. They could model themselves after the "Abraham Lincoln Brigade" that volunteered to fight the fascists in the Spanish Civil War. Maybe call it the "George Bush Senior Brigade."

But the people who want this war won't actually be fighting it. And our elected representatives won't actually listen to our opinions. And this stupid and arbitrary war will go on without ever actually being justified.

And for what purpose will we say we sacrificed thousands of lives, decimated our democratic institutions and lurched into full-scale imperial ambitions?

Well, why not? Happy Arbitrary Day.

Stephen Preston is a lecturer in Mathematics.

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