PrognostiQuakers

Sometime last night, we PrognostiQuakers were debating just what the final score of tonight's Penn-Villanova football game would be. Would it be Penn in a rout? Or Penn in a thrashing? Or a demolition? Or maybe an absolute debacle? After last week's third-straight correct prediction, you might think that we'd rest on our laurels and not really concentrate on tonight. Maybe you, the reader, are downright stupid. We here at PrognostiQuakers take it one game at a time. (In writing, we try and avoid cliches 110 percent. We take it one sentence at a time.) So, we know it will be a rout, but why? Because Villanova will be without RB Brian Westbrook, who now has a career with the Eagles cleaning up Donovan McNabb's vomit. Still, we needed a prediction for tonight's Quakers-Wildcats matchup on the main line. So we decided to head to the Philadelphia Zoo to find out how to capture a so-called wildcat. "Hey, lion," we screamed into a cage. "How did the zoo trap you?" "ROOOOARRRR!" said the lion. Realizing that he would not be much help, we tried talk with a zookeeper, but to no avail. "You want to ask a zookeeper what?" we were asked. We were then quickly ushered out of the gates. And onto the streets. We realized we needed to try another zoo. So we hopped on the PrognostiQuaking Jet and flew to the Bronx and Central Park zoos, but couldn't get anywhere. The San Diego Zoo? A very confused "Uhh, no thanks." We were baffled. We needed a predictor, but who would we get? "Let's see," we thought. "We tried lions and tigers and... bears?" Or, Bares, more appropriately. So we went over to The Daily Pennsylvanian's own caged animal, Technical Services Director Jonathan Bare and asked him. "How should I know?" he said. "Am I supposed to think of something clever to say?" No, just the prediction, thanks. "I'd say Penn," Bare said. "I drove by Villanova once and I was afraid. There were a lot of cars there." Afraid? Of Villanova? "Then I went home and turned on ESPN2 and there was a Woooza game on." Woooza? "Woooza. W-U-S-" Oooh, the WUSA. The Philadelphia Charge play at Villanova Stadium. Penn women's soccer coach Darren Ambrose is the goaltenders coach for the Charge. Soccer? WUSA? Darren Ambrose? Villanova? Afraid? Woooza? Thanks, Jon Bare. We have our prediction. Penn 2, Villanova 1 (OT)

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