Melina Bell: Learning to love what you have

According to Mariah Burton Nelson, author of The Stronger Women Get, the More Men Love Football, "Feminism is about bodies: birth control, sexual harassment, child sexual abuse, pornography, rape, date rape, battering, breast cancer, breast enlargement, dieting, liposuction, abortion, anorexia, bulimia, sexuality. Sports."

Girls are socialized from very early on to be hypercritical of their bodies, to hate them and to discipline them rigidly. We are taught that fat is ugly -- even healthy, ordinary levels of bodyfat -- because there is a political agenda served by this supposed aesthetic norm. Both men and women tend to idealize the same body types: big and strong for men, small and delicate for women. Is it only a coincidence that big, strong men can much more easily dominate small, delicate women?

Is it only coincidence that diet pills and cosmetic surgery are part of a booming beauty industry? The terms of our embodiment are too often set by the forces that wield social and economic power.

It seems as though there has been progress. Title IX helped to bring intercollegiate athletics to women. When it was passed, the number of women participating in intercollegiate sports was about 30,000; it is now more than 150,000. There is widespread agreement that sports help women to, in Nelson's words, "repossess our bodies."

Progress? Let's consider the posh new Pottruck Center, which in all respects (other than cost) we would expect to be better than the old Gimbel Gymnasium.

Gimbel had a gang shower in the women's locker room, and two private stalls, where I could conveniently continue post-workout conversations with my friends. I even met some strangers in the shower with whom I had friendly conversations.

But no more. Now I can't even see other women in the shower. We must shout through tiny stalls, careful not to slam our elbows into the cursed partitions, where before we could flail our arms as much as we desired.

I feel as though I've been caged in, restrained, contained. Even isolated. I resent that Pottruck-going men can still flail their arms and converse, and we women have lost that freedom.

True, many women probably prefer the new accommodations. But why? Because we are ashamed of our bodies. We, unlike men, are taught from an early age to control and conceal them. We are given special privacy opportunities and told to be modest. We are taught not to bond with other women, who are our competition for men. We are warned not to expose ourselves to catty criticism.

Is this good for us? If we are provided stalls, the underlying assumption is that we should hide behind them, that it is fitting behavior for a woman to hide her body and to be ashamed of it. But I wish all women had the opportunity to know that fit women, beautiful women, college women do not look like the airbrushed models in magazines.

Most of us have some cellulite on our lower bodies. Very few of us have perfectly round breasts. Almost no one has perfect skin. But most of us still look pretty darn good. Better, healthier, more robust than the models. And it's easier to accept ourselves when we realize that we are the norm, not the exception. We are not the deviants -- the Cosmo models are!

We all would like to change things about ourselves, to improve ourselves, including our health and fitness levels, including our bodies. But we should still love the bodies we have now and we should take good care of them.

Tomorrow is the National Organization for Women's "Love Your Body Day." It should be apparent why such a day is needed.

Love Your Body Day homework for women: ask three of your girlfriends what their favorite and least favorite body parts are, and share with them what yours are.

Homework for men: give your partner, sister or close female friend a sincere compliment about her physical appearance today. Spread some body love!

Melina Bell is a Philosophy graduate student.

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