Dorm room dilemma

Nicole Riley didn't want to take any chances. She didn't want to wind up living with a slob or someone who didn't respect her privacy. So the College freshman took matters into her own hands -- and opted to chose her first-year roommate.

"That was probably one of my worst fears," said Riley, who now lives in Harnwell College House. "That I would have someone who got drunk every night, passed out on the floor and left a mess everywhere."

For many, college is an opportunity to experience life with a roommate for the first time. It is a time when quiet chambers and private bathrooms are replaced with social dorms and shared amenities. And it is a time when students quickly learn the joys -- and pains -- of living with another person.

But for some, spending a year living with a stranger simply is not an option.

These students may request to live with high school friends, like Riley, or make the decision to fly solo in a single.

"Basically, I just wanted more privacy," College freshman Marc Porzecanski said about his decision to spend freshman year in a single.

"I heard about roommates not getting along, [about] roommates fighting... all the classic arguments. I was afraid of conflicting schedules, that I'd want to be sleeping when someone else wanted to throw a party," he added.

Despite the anxieties that go along with deciding to have a freshman roommate, most students are willing to take the plunge. And when letters announcing roommate names arrived in August, excitement -- and prejudgement -- inevitably ensued.

"I was excited because... I was really worried about my roommate and I thought the name sounded good, I guess you could say," College freshman Stephanie Ihnow said. "It was just kind of a normal name... my name's basically normal also."

Along with names, hometowns proved to make an impact as well.

"I had more of an impression based on where she was from -- New Jersey," said College freshman Susan Oh, a Philadelphia native, amidst laughter. "Because Philly and New Jersey don't get along too [well]."

"I saw he was from Kansas and I thought, `Wow, I don't know many people from Kansas,'" Engineering freshman Edison Conner said.

According to Ware College House Dean Katherine Lowe, those students searching for a method behind the roommate assignment madness are unlikely to come up with an answer.

"There really isn't a systematic way to match people up, and if there were, I don't think it would be better," she said.

Over the summer, many roommates made initial contact with each other, introducing themselves and planning how to furnish their new rooms.

"The point of our conversation was primarily to find out what we were going to bring," Conner said.

"They were short conversations, maybe two hours altogether," Oh explained. "And half the time we'd be talking about what we were going to bring."

The first couple of weeks of living with a new person are definitely a period of adjustment, a time to get to know one another, meet new people and experience new things.

And during the first few days in a new place, many freshmen are thankful that they have their roommates to keep them company.

"She's kind of my set buddy," Riley said.

College freshman Jamie Lin, who also rooms with a high school friend, said she was warned that living with someone she already knew might limit the amount of new people she would meet. But Lin said she has put those fears to rest.

"A lot of people have been telling us, `You shouldn't room with someone you know,' but so far it's been working out really well," she said, adding that since she and her roommate are enrolled in different schools, they inevitably are meeting different people.

College freshman Todd Saligman wasn't worried that living in a single would prevent him from making new friends.

"A lot of people want a roommate to meet people," he said. "But for me, that wasn't an issue because I knew I'd meet people in other ways."

The first few weeks of living with someone new are often filled with laugh-out-loud experiences as well as moments that would rather be forgotten. Some experiences, however, are just plain quirky.

Conner inaugurated his new rooming experience by sleepwalking one night. Realizing that Conner was wandering astray, his roommate came to the rescue, waking him up and allowing both of them to go back to sleep.

Lowe stressed that these early weeks are necessary to get a feel for living with a new person and that students shouldn't jump to establish ground rules before experiencing these important few days.

After the initial experience, Lowe suggested using a roommate contract to stimulate discussion about rules and regulations.

Some roommates decided to draw up definitive boundaries, while others preferred a more laid-back approach.

"There are certain tacit agreements," Conner said. But, "we didn't sit down and have a pow-wow or anything."

"He respects my needs, and I respect his, and that's what you need," he added.

While some roommates do end up becoming maids-of-honor and best men, Lowe said that the development of such deep friendships is not the only sign of a good rooming experience.

"Not every set of roommates end up being best friends, but I think almost always they end up learning something from each other," she said.

But her main piece of advice to students is to be open with one another.

"There's barely enough room for two students," she said. "But for two students and a grudge, you're not going to have a good experience."

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