JOKE ISSUE: Ill students to join healthy counterparts in smoking up

[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.] In a move that may signal a loosening of the University's traditionally stringent drug policies, administrators have approved a measure allowing Student Health Services to prescribe "limited and prudent" marijuana use for medicinal purposes. The controversial decision was announced yesterday in a one-page statement released by SHS. Administrators "have elected to allow the prescription of cannabis to students when its use is deemed necessary for the alleviation of certain medical ailments," the statement read. The measure will take effect as soon as SHS officials find a reputable source of cannabis, as the plant is referred to when used medicinally, University spokesman Ken Wildes said yesterday. According to Wildes, the measure was formally proposed by newly appointed SHS Director Evelyn Wiener two weeks ago. But University health officials had been looking into the option for months. It then moved to University President Judith Rodin and Provost Robert Barchi, who consulted with Wiener, senior administrators and trustees. "Dr. Wiener felt very strongly about opening every possible channel to help students feel better, and the administration agreed," Wildes said. "They made a decision to get this stuff out to those who need it most." Patients suffering from a wide range of diseases, from AIDS and cancer to glaucoma and multiple sclerosis, often find marijuana to be the most -- and sometimes only -- effective treatment. Barchi, a noted neurologist, said he has supported the use of marijuana for medical purposes since his days in medical school. "It's time we drop this stigma regarding marijuana," he added. "We're not talking about blunts or bongs, we're talking about medicine here." Five states and the District of Columbia have enacted or will enact laws this year allowing restricted use of marijuana for medicinal purposes. Though Pennsylvania does not have any such laws on the books, University legal experts do not think Penn will have a problem. Phil Nichols, a Legal Studies professor, explained that in the past, institutions in similar situations have relied on the so-called medical necessity defense. "You play the good doctor role," Nichols explained. "When it comes to either harming the criminal code or harming yourself, in cases like this courts tend to side with the patients." In response to the decision, Penn Students Against Marijuana said they will smash bongs on Locust Walk tomorrow in protest.

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