JOKE ISSUE: College Hall to be odorific

[NOTE: This article appeared in the annual joke issue.] Under the pressure of the current on-campus housing shortage, members of Penn Students Against Sweatshops have decided to vacate their rooms and move into University President Judith Rodin's office on a permanent basis. Although Rodin announced plans to increase the space in the high rises, PSAS members said they did not think they could find any housing together, which they need to plan their multiple protests and play bongo drums. They added that this housing was highly convenient. "It saves us time," said PSAS spokeswoman Anna Roberts, a College freshman. "Next time Judy screws up, we'll already be there." Rodin's office will join the on-campus housing options as the 13th college house. But unlike the other houses, this option will only be available to those who check the box reading "leftist hippy radical" on their housing applications. "As long as [PSAS members] are not using my fax machine, I don't mind," Rodin said. "They better not touch that damn machine." Rodin added that should her office odor become too much to handle, she would relocate her primary office space to her estate on the Main Line. PSAS members approached University housing officials last week with their idea after hearing about the 350 students who were denied housing. "We don't really need dorm rooms," said PSAS member Harrison Blum, a College sophomore. "I mean, it's not like we take showers anyway." Brownlee said he was initially apprehensive about the plan, but agreed when PSAS suggested that Rodin's office could be considered a unique new college house. "This is another sign of the great success of the college house system," Brownlee said. He added that Jennifer Baldino will serve as house dean. "I'm looking forward to working with the whiny little brats -- er, I mean students," Baldino said. The house will also be equipped with several sets of new bongo drums and media hookups to allow for daily press conferences. Penn Students Against College Hall expressed displeasure with the new housing plans and said they are considering stealing all of PSAS' bongo drums.