DP Swamis: The quotes are real. So are the turbans.

Sure, the Brown Bears have been quite the high-flying squad in the early going this season. Brown informed us that the Bears' metaphorical flight would likely take a bit of a nosedive this weekend as they visit West Philadelphia, home of the nation's first zoo. "Brown Bears this time of year, they start to slow down a little bit," Brown said. "But bears don't really hibernate, they go into long periods of very deep sleep. The true hibernators are things like ground squirrels." Brown informed us that one of Brookfield's two brown bears is named Jimmy, just like the old College of Rhode Island's quarterback. We learned of some possible disabling information that could be of use to Penn's defense in stopping the Bears' attack tomorrow. "You can't go wrong with snacks," Brown said. "When we need to medicate them, we use ice cream cones, and put the meds in a paste, and we syringe it into the ice cream cone. They'll eat that, just gobble the whole thing down." Note to Messrs. Germino, Puzio and Hisgen: Baskin Robbins is on Walnut Street, between 39th and 40th. You're on your own for the medication. "[The brown bears] also like granola and honey," Brown said. "We'll spread honey all around the exhibit and give them the plastic jug, and they'll squeeze all the honey out of it." So, Winnie The Pooh is coming to Penn. Should make for an interesting matchup. Mike Brown's own bears, meanwhile, are somewhat torn, between being brown bears and Chicago bears, just like last year's Penn hero, Jim Finn. "I've never seen any neurotic behavior being associated with a team like the Bears," Brown said. "But we don't give them the newspapers, so they don't keep up with the standings." Which bears would keep up with the standings? Which ones are smarter than the average bear? "The smartest bears are the polar bears," Brown said. "Most bears are scavengers, including brown bears, tending to eat matter out of the ground. The polar bears? they're the craftiest of the bears." Brown definitely knew that the Brown Bears won't be crafty enough against Penn tomorrow. His prediction? Penn 35-10.