COLUMN: A Quaker vocabulary

From Siona Listokin's, "Think Different," Fall '99 From Siona Listokin's, "Think Different," Fall '99Ours is a school of action. We do not simply watch football games, we participate in cheering rituals. We are not content with drinking, we guzzle. Some words on the Walk. In discussing last weekend's action with a friend, we might say Josh got smashed, meaning "drank more than twice his body volume in beer, then proceeded to act like a moron and keep his head in the toilet for three hours." Someone who gets wrecked more than four times a week is known as hardcore. Hardcore, of course, may also refer to the guy taking Advanced Computer Science and Math 241 and Physics for Engineers in the same semester. Penn is full of hardcore hardcores. And nowhere does our intensity shine so bright as in the shopping scene. Friday afternoons bring out the SDT in all of us, and Sansom Common is packed with bored students with money to burn. You will find girls shopping for a possible date-dash party, adding auxiliary clothing to their wardrobes on the off chance that their sorority will be hosting one of the surprise shindigs that weekend. New to the shopping scene is Ma Jolie. Ma Jolie comes from the French word for "Ooh, I have that shirt, too!" As in "Ma Jolie in red, black and blue." We would all have been better off with another Wawa. All these new clothes demand a party. Penn's nightlife offers a myriad of soirees, and sayings to accompany them. What Penn student has not been negged at Smoke's? And only a Quaker loyalist would know when and where the Pre-Quizzo M4M Happy Hour takes place. Or you might want to check out the Greek scene. A word of caution to the uninitiated: HUP is not the name of the fraternity with the best after-parties. Feel free, however, to stop by for the occasional stomach pump while Judy calls your parents. The best part? The long-distance call is on her -- your last freebee from Ma Rodin. Speaking of the devil, our fearless leader seems to have a new pet phrase. This year, Penn is rife with all sorts of renewal. The $300 million housing and dining renewal project is apparently underway. Just turn your eyes to Sansom Common for the prettiest example of urban renewal. And at some point, some of us may have to deal with curriculum renewal. The University of Pennsylvania Dictionary, 3rd ed., defines renewal as "something I don't care about because I'll be gone way before it affects anyone." And finally, Penn's ultimate new phrase-that-pays: interim. Three of our schools are currently headed by interim deans. Rodin has apparently borrowed the Steve Jobs' definition of interim -- some invariably interminable interval scantily camouflaged as a cameo. At this rate, Penn should fill all its open dean positions at about the same time our children are filling out legacy applications to the University. All of this is speculation, of course. Administration heavies insist that the dean situation is in fact temporary: "I am confident that the Dean Search Committee will bring our search for a new dean to a successful conclusion as soon as possible." The proper vernacular for this type of policy is currently enjoying popular usage among Penn students. Bullcrap.