COLUMN: A list of people to ignore

From Daniel Fienberg's, "The Fien Print," Fall '99 From Daniel Fienberg's, "The Fien Print," Fall '99There are so many fine people who deserve more news coverage -- people like Hillary Clinton, or Larry Flynt, or Dennis Rodman -- that it's a small travesty that the media is over-saturated by people who annoy me. In the spirit of catharsis, I've narrow my list down to five people (or groups). I can accept that they may all be perfectly decent folks, I only wonder why their presence is the price I pay for trying to watch the news or read a paper. From Daniel Fienberg's, "The Fien Print," Fall '99There are so many fine people who deserve more news coverage -- people like Hillary Clinton, or Larry Flynt, or Dennis Rodman -- that it's a small travesty that the media is over-saturated by people who annoy me. In the spirit of catharsis, I've narrow my list down to five people (or groups). I can accept that they may all be perfectly decent folks, I only wonder why their presence is the price I pay for trying to watch the news or read a paper.1) Monica Lewinsky: The Person -- I was comfortable with the prequel, Monica Lewinsky:Raunchy Intern. Heck, that fine woman was responsible (along with The Truman Show's Ed Harris) for making the beret into the cool fashion statement of 1999. On second thought, berets aren't cool and neither was the old Monica, but at least she had a reason to be on TV all the time. 2)Roberto Benigni -- OK, so I didn't like Life is Beautiful as much as everybody else, but I've seen Charlie Chaplin movies, and I've seen that Robert Downey Jr. movie about Charlie Chaplin and Roberto, you're no Charlie Chaplin. Fine, he made an interesting movie. If I want to see a movie that finds the horrors and humor of Fascism, I'll still rent The Great Dictator any day. Also, the media only seems interested in portraying Benigni as a broken-English shouting flake. He's only a Mafia tie away from joining the All-Ethnic-Stereotype team with the guy from Yan Can Cook and Apu. How long before somebody goes back to watch Benigni's earlier Italian movies like Johnny Stecchino or Il Monstro and realizes that the "genius" label he keeps getting was a little premature. 3) Twentysomething Internet Billionaires -- Accepted and acknowledged that I may only be bitter about these guys because I don't have the marketable skills to visualize a billion dollars. I'm most irked by the newscasts and glowing articles praising the Yahoo, eBay, Excite and Sex.com people because, despite the values of their companies, they still work every day. This is the kinda thing I'd rather praise Cal Ripken for, to be honest. Oh and they wear jeans to work! Those cyber-rebel-geeks. They'll get theirs, though. I read that Warren Buffet said that all of these internet stocks have been overvalued. And I trust Warren Buffet because of that Margaritaville song. What? Oh? Nevermind. Off to go work on my home page. Apparently that's where the money is. 4) People Complaining about the Undergraduate Assembly -- Confession: I feel that the annual IFC "Let's conquer the UA and steal all the money" e-mail is more than a little sketchy. And if I were planning on being here after May, I would be downright annoyed to have my money filtering through Greek pockets. I've been lead to believe, however, that there are alternatives. You want more performing arts space? Run for the UA; get your performing arts friends to vote for you. Upset because there aren't enough minorities on the UA? There won't be any if nobody runs or nobody votes. Want to get your greedy little hands on the Discretionary Fund? Get signatures and promise your friends a cut of the profits if they vote for you. This one's simple. Apathy=All-Greek UA=Several unhappy other people. 5) George Bush Jr. -- Memo to America: Wanting to elect George Bush Jr. president just because his father was George Bush Sr. is, well, irrational. I want to see the Gallup poll that admits that George Bush Jr. is only cool because he used to own the Texas Rangers. Now that I'd believe. This one's only a minor quibble, but I'd love for someone to give me a few examples of what he's done for Texas before the prodigal son takes over. Now off to New Hampshire for break. If Fate has any sense of mercy, snow will prevent me from watching Dan Rather or reading The Globe. I'll come back a happier person.