Oh jeez - DPOSTM taken over by midget and Valley boy in bloodless coup: Daniel Tenenblatt, Eric Moskowitz Sports Editors

An editor who is never in the office. Complainers. Women problems. Long-winded articles. Youth. Yup, it's a new year, but not much seems to have changed inside DPOSTM -- The DP's Only Staff that Matters. It's been just two weeks, but Daniel "90210" Tenenblatt and Eric "Doogie/Squitz" Moskowitz have already exhibited many of the qualities essential to great sports editors. Take young Daniel for instance. He's already acting like it's his last week on the job -- constantly wandering out of the office to "pin" one freshman or another, be it his frat pledges at Phi Kappa Sigma or his girlfriend, Kristen. Tenenblatt's current disregard for responsibility is just another example in a history of disrespect for the rules. In fifth grade Dan was quite the trouble maker, according to his friend Alete Arom. Once he threw his chair across the classroom. Another time he stole his teacher's cigarettes, causing her to have a nervous breakdown. Unrelenting to the end, he always talked back and refused his punishment. No doubt it was the precursor to today's irrepressible comments and comebacks, which the young Angelino thinks qualifies for "wit." But the Beverly Hills native kept an ace up his sleeve -- his mom. A powerful force on the PTA, Dan used his mom to get him out of any jam. "They couldn't do anything to him," Arom said of Dan's rambunctious early years. One jam his mom couldn't save him from was his torture of an innocent admirer. Straight from the script of a 90210 episode, Tenenblatt and his young love Kim hid their seventh-grade relationship, until the day Tenenblatt told her friends. The friends banished Kim for hiding the truth from them, causing Kim to turn to a life of drugs. "They don't talk. She says he ruined her life," Arom says. "She is even questioning if she's straight." Currently, Tenenblatt has set his eyes on another young, but unsuspecting admirer, Kristen. "He's a sweet guy, and I think he knows it," said Kristen of her big-headed beau. Tenenblatt's raging ego will do battle with his partner in crime, as Moskowitz is said to have a big head of his own. "He was proud of his accomplishments -- that he could walk in and write a good story," mother Ellen says of her son's first impressions of 4015 Walnut. Despite bold proclamations of his talent, Moskowitz in only beginning to blossom as a writer as as he has yet to hit puberty. Upon walking into the Pink Palace last January, many rushed to his aid asking if he had lost his mommy. Others commented that it was remarkable that Penn allowed 12 year-olds -- no matter how smart -- to matriculate. Penn has been in Moskowitz's dreams since birth . He used to tag along with his dad to alumni picnics and write "Class of 2001" on his name tag. He was 10. "Penn" was also reported to be his first word. Moskowitz's height isn't just a hinderance during the school year, it also haunts his summer work at Camp Pelknat -- a camp his father described as "hokey and "fascist." "This past summer he had a 12 year-old [camper] taller than him," friend Mark Scott said. "Everyone mistakes him for being 13 and a camper." To avoid being overlooked in life, Moskowitz has learned to speak up for himself. To no end. "He never stops talking," Scott said. As the outgoing DP editorial board painfully learned in December, when the topic of sports comes up it is nearly impossible to shut the kid up. The endless talking also probably stems from the fact that Moskowitz was abandoned by his family when he was four. With the birth of his brother Scott, Moskowitz was moved to the far other side of the house where he remained in seclusion for three years. "He would come in my room and say that it was his room, and that I was just borrowing it," Scott recalls. "I love my brother, but he's a whiner. Sometimes I wish email hadn't been invented because it is just another means for him to whine to us." The whining stems from the constant stress Moskowitz puts himself under. At one point the diminutive sophomore estimated he slept 108 hours in a month. "At his kindergarten parent-teacher conference his teacher told us she thought he would have an ulcer before he was 11," Moskowitz's mom, Ellen, said. "He wants to be perfect, so it takes him longer to do things." This is a lesson his former editors have suffered through far too often. Not one to break from tradition, DPOSTM has chosen a couple of rogues with pasts far too familiar for former DP editors to feel comfortable. "We're doomed," former DPOSTM editor Jordan Smith said.

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