*In stupor, IFC says it'll go 'dry'

*This article appeared in the 1998 Joke Issue Following the precedent set recently by several national fraternities, all 32 InterFraternity Council fraternities announced yesterday that they will ban drinking in their chapter houses effective July 1, 1999. Earlier this semester, Phi Kappa Sigma International Fraternity decided its houses would go dry by July 1, 2000, a move which followed similar decisions made over the last year by Phi Delta Theta, Sigma Nu and Phi Gamma Delta. But while the four previous fraternities' decisions to bann alcohol at all house functions was enforced by their national headquarters, the IFC's decision will be, thus far, exclusive to Penn's fraternities. Additionally, it pushes the date by which fraternities must go dry up one year. "Basically, we wanted to beat the other schools to the punch," said IFC President Josh Belinfante. "When individual fraternities began to go dry I envisioned this decision, and I'm glad I had the chance to be a part of it." The College junior and Alpha Chi Rho brother added that he was disappointed that houses would not officially go dry until after he graduated. The main concern that spurred the IFC's decision, according to Office of Fraternity and Sorority Affairs Director Scott Reikofski, is liability. When fraternities allow drinking in their houses, they are responsible for underage drinking, as well as any injuries or deaths caused by massive alcohol consumption. "The IFC realized that it was urgent for them to cover their asses," Reikofski explained. "Unfortunately, Penn's social life may seriously suck." Once the fraternities officially go dry, brothers will be prohibited from having alcoholic beverages in their house at any time. The restriction does not prevent fraternities from serving alcohol at off-campus parties. But several Greek officials indicated that the prospects of holding off-campus parties were sketchy, at best. "One of the advantages of having on-campus fraternity parties is the safety," said Michael Kraver, president of Sigma Alpha Mu and IFC treasurer. "But if we go off campus to have parties, who knows what'll happen? I mean West Philadelphia isn't Long Island -- there are some bad dudes out there!" Belinfante indicated that the IFC board has talked about making further restrictions, which would entail prohibiting fraternities from holding any major parties, on or off campus, where alcohol is present. "We want to overcome the common stereotype that the Greek system is a negative influence on a campus that is only interested in drinking," Belinfante said. He added that he thinks students can easily have fun "without the influence of drugs or alcohol." College senior John La Bombard, said he approved of the new policy, but stressed that he was glad the ban "didn't hit my penis." And former IFC Judicial Manager Mike Steib pointed out the legal implications. "The drinking age is 21, you know," Steib graciously pointed out. "We've been living a lie," Steib, a College senior added, confessing that most fraternities contribute to underage drinking. "The only way we can stop this blemish on our society is to ban alcohol," Steib said. IFC Vice President Clive Correia, a Wharton junior, was too drunk to comment. *This article appeared in the 1998 Joke Issue