COLUMN: The daily pleasantries of Locust Walk

School has been back in session for a week now, and with the new year has come a new pack of freshmen, flooding their ways onto Locust Walk. And it seems like someone should warn them. The Walk is not just a really long hallway between Psych 001 and English 014; it's a social environment with its own set of quirks and rules that we'd all do best to keep in mind. Perhaps the most important thing to be aware of when walking the Walk is what your "visual range" is. Visual range is the distance at which you first recognize people passing by you on the Walk. Some people will recognize their friends and classmates from a dozen yards away; others can't spot their roommate until they're right on top of them. Being aware of your own visual range -- especially as relative to most other people you know -- will make communication on the Walk much easier. It's going to be most people's first instinct to say "hello" to friends and acquaintances as soon as they see them -- that is, as soon as they enter visual range. This is a mistake! Since two people's visual ranges will rarely match up, anyone who attempts an immediate "hello" is likely to be met with silence and a blank expression. Remember, Locust Walk is a busy, often noisy place, and someone saying "hello" isn't always going to be enough to draw another's attention. A missed "hello" can cause all sorts of trouble. So given this, what's an extroverted freshman to do? The best solution is what I call "scoping for range." Essentially, you have to keep tabs on approaching acquaintances as they make their ways down Locust Walk. As you enter their visual range, the two of you should have an instant lock, be able to exchange your salutations and move on. Naturally, you can also stop and talk. But the rule of thumb is, if you do, you should probably move to the side of the Walk. Chatty freshman are the No. 3 annoyance when navigating the Walk, right behind bicyclists and pigeons. While not hearing someone when they say "hello" could lead to friction later on, it's far more troublesome to find a greeting you've given has missed its target? and found another. It's been known to happen that an overly anxious freshman has said "hello" without first scoping for range and has missed his or her intended target, greeting someone else entirely. Perhaps a fellow classmate, perhaps someone they met at a party or a floor event -- an acquaintance, barely -- but hardly someone that they'd put on their "hello" list. Now, we all have our "hello" lists. There are people we will pass and say "hello" to and others that we won't, people we will bother to scope for and others who aren't worth the effort. But a missed "hello" that reaches someone off the list may have the unfortunate effect of convincing them they are actually on the list, leading to forced greeting after forced greeting. And that can only lead to bitterness and hostility. A missed "hello" will almost always result in something called "'hello' degeneration," but this process can even occur with people who are on each other's "hello" list. If two people pass each other on the Walk too often -- based mostly on how well they know each other -- they will find it harder and harder to put the proper enthusiasm into each successive greeting. "Hello, Jack!" Then, "Hi, Jack!" Then, "Hey." Then a grunt or a nod. Then nothing. As the greetings shorten, the two will almost certainly find trouble interacting outside the Walk environment. Resentment will increase as the two slide off each other's "hello" lists, till the two are at best virtual strangers, or at worst bitter annoyances. The best way to avoid "hello" degeneration is to spot it in its early stages, before it begins to impact on the relationship -- whatever that might be, and agree to use some simple, recognizable gesture to acknowledge each other's passing. I recommend a solid nod and a bright smile. In the past, I've been known to use a rather endearing grunt. Ultimately, it's best to use whatever comes easiest to you. As a last tip, never use "How's it going?" as a greeting. Too often on the Walk, the person you're saying "hello" to will already be past you and gone by the time they get a chance to reply. "How's it going?" is a question, and unless you're in a situation where the other person has the opportunity to respond, you shouldn't bother asking. Hopefully, I've been able to save a few lives here -- or at least a few egos. I'll see you on the Walk and remember to say "hello."

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