COLUMN: Tobacco deal tests real world

Pulsating car stereos and rummaged-through litter aside, the 4000 block of Baltimore Avenue becomes Marlboro country at sunset. I retire to this charming neighborhood after an arduous day of working in a downtown high rise's arctic corridors. The rosy light glimmers through the trees. The air, heady with malt liquor and the onion-garlic-deep-fried magnificence of the nearby double bypass -- Billybob's and Allegro restaurants -- is cozy and inviting. More often than not, my retreat to the porch includes a cup of coffee or on longer days, a beer, and a cigarette. Between the cushions of the shabby couch on our porch lie my Parliament lights -- soon to be labeled "nicotine delivery devices"-- that constantly lure me into turning into one of the notorious 3,000. News sources say that 3,000 American teens become "regular smokers," a status gained by smoking at least once a day for an entire month. I myself have yet to enter these ranks. My inner pessimist, however, knows it's only a matter of time before I join my comrades and fold under the pressure of Big Tobacco. After all, what strength can I claim when I'm constantly exposed to such powerful imagery as the tanned, carefree couple savoring their Parliaments on the billboard beach just outside my window? Or the seductive copper-haired glamour-puss clutching her martini and a Kamel Red inside my latest issue of Details. Or, most alluring of all, that suave cartoon camel named "Joe," who incidentally also nurses a large bottle of alcohol? But harbor that cynicism no longer, America! Soon, unless you subscribe to Playboy or Hustler, in which case the Surgeon General has apparently decided you're corrupted beyond repair, you'll no longer be tempted by those glossy ads. In fact, every time you buy a pack, not only will it cost an average of three bucks -- you'll be reminded in half-inch-high letters that "Cigarettes Can Kill You." This, along with $368.5 billion and a surrender to federal regulation, is Treacherous Tobacco's indemnity for annually robbing the nation of a collective "four million years of life," according to social historian Richard Kruger. Neither side is entirely happy with the deal, which was announced Friday. But neither side is particularly indignant. Some think that $370 billion is too low a cap for the tobacco companies' bill -- which means its losses will be hefty but predictable, guarded against any more groups of sullied lungs ganging up in class-action suits against the business. Tobacco, predictably, resents regulation of its additive partners in cigarettes. But the settlement satisfies both sides, because "any decent person wants both sides to lose," as Time magazine noted. Tobacco, which naturally contains an extremely addictive substance, has taken the lives of millions -- directly and indirectly. That said, we've known this for more than thirty years. It's been banned from television and kids under 18. Warnings are plastered on every box. Perhaps it's a testament to America's current upbeat state that Clinton took on the tobacco companies. The economy is excellent. People are employed and thus working hard and making more. In their search for relaxation, Americans often turn to vices and old taboos, such as martinis and microbrews, cappuccinos and, doubtless, Marlboros. Suddenly, the number of smokers, after a years-long decline, is slowly rising. Although one may argue that there's little else for Clinton to approach politically, in an economy thriving on austerity and deregulation, a government whose job is to regulate has to find something. Tobacco is arguably, and somewhat ironically, the most innocuous thing for him to approach right now. And by promising to punish the industry further if teenage smoking doesn't decrease, the pressure is slight, but there. The settlement will invariably decrease smoking to an extent -- anyone who's ever seen a supply-demand curve knows that a higher price means lower demand. So it will be considered a success. But it won't erase smoking any more than Prohibition ended alcohol consumption. The lure of a cigarette is undeniable and embedded in our culture. While the advertisements from big tobacco companies such as Philip Morris and RJR Nabisco are given an added dose of exposure because of the current tobacco hype, they are far less memorable than the free press cigarettes get in movies, on television and in their supposed basis, reality. When it comes to censorship, reality is amazingly elusive. Pardon me while I escape it with a cup of coffee. And perhaps a nicotine-carrying device.