DPOSTM beats Weenies again

The Only Staff That Matters drubbed the Weenies, 27-9 yesterday. FRANKLIN FIELD -- Softball players aren't supposed to be distance runners. But if you try telling that to Weenies outfielders Scott Lanman and Mike Mugmon, they would probably try to kick your ass. Don't worry, they can't. Lanman and Mugmon, in leftfield and centerfield, respectively, ran about five miles each trying to chase down home runs hit, as every player on The Only Staff That Matters hit at least one bomb. The end result -- a DPOSTM 27-9 drubbing over the Weenies. The Franklin Field turf was still wet from Saturday's rain, but that didn't stop DPOSTM from unleashing the lions in their bats. "If we learned anything, it's that you can't play deep enough against DPOSTM," Lanman said. "They were hitting the cover off the ball." After being tied at three, DPOSTM batters Matt Benbassat, Scott "Tequila" Miller, Marc "Whatchamacallit" Chodock and Matt "Lymon" Wurst went on a hitting barrage that left the softball in a permanent state of an ellipsoid and Weenies trying to catch their breath. Wurst, however, stunk up West Philadelphia with his poor batting practice showing, as members of the official Penn softball team looked on. But for the Weenies, it was simply another exercise in futility to add to their long tradition of being humbled by DPOSTM. "They cheated," Weenies coach Yochanan "Mr. Fleiss" Dreazen said. "But we'll kick their ass in any other sport." Apparently Dreazen meant any other sport except football, as DPOSTM has also won the Kamin Cup two years running. "I was definitely ready to rumble," DPOSTM rightfielder Srik "Let's Get" Reddy "To Rumble" said. "They couldn't hit the ball out of the infield -- especially that Eric "Jasper" Goldstein kid," Reddy continued. Mugmon and Weenies third baseman Dan Feinberg sucked, but the two did combine for the only Weenies RBIs on the night. DPOSTM travels to Veterans Stadium to take on the Phillies tomorrow night, and the Weenies will continue to play with themselves.

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