DPOSTM 12, WEENIES 8: DPOSTM retains the Kamin Cup with a desperation Hail Mary TD

The Daily Pennsylvanian's Only Staff That Matters wide receiver, Wharton senior, 6-foot-4 freshman, former Weekly Pennsylvanian Sports Editor, former softball and swimming beat reporter and Vice Provost for the executive council of Roundup Joanna Jacobs reached up to catch a football for a touchdown to win the annual Kamin Cup football game according to a spokesperson at Franklin Field who wished to remain anonymous. Can't understand a word, but want to keep reading stuff like this? Turn to Page 1. Here's the real story? "The Catch That Made The Weenies Go Limp" will go down in the archives as the greatest moment in intra-Pink Palace sports history. The last-minute, Hail Mary toss from third-string quarterback Scott "Tequila" Miller was tipped by fellow DPOSTMite Srik Reddy before Joanna Jacobs miraculously hauled in the pass and the game-winning touchdown, giving Sports the expected 12-8 victory over the weenies. "I was definitely Reddy to rumble," Srik said after he tipped the ball. "We came out fighting, and we never lost that intensity." "I've been training my whole career for this game, and I did it," Jacobs said. "Now that I've accomplished my dream at Penn, I might have to transfer." After a scoreless first half, the Weenies actually took the early lead as Jeff "Benedict Arnold" Wieland ran the ball in the end zone via a quarterback sneak to put the Weenies up 8-0. But DPOSTM stormed back behind the arm of offensive coordinator Miller, who in a controversial move, inserted himself at QB. Proving the naysayers on the sidelines -- who were yelling "get him outta there, he sucks" -- wrong, Miller led the team down the field, completing a TD pass to J.J. "J.J." Ivaska, who caught the ball at the 10-yard line and ran sideways into the end zone. But the two-point conversion failed, and time, kept by King Weenie Adam Mark by looking at the sun, was running out. So DPOSTM had one more drive left, and boy did they took advantage of it. With the Weenies, or at least Queen Weenie Randi Feigenbaum, engaged in a fascinating conversation about the 21st Century Plan, Miller lofted a long pass to Moosehead, which set up the final play. And what made that final play even more impressive was that Jacobs was able to elude Placa Jaclyn La, who was on her like glue the entire game. "Joanna is a very good player; I suck," said Jaclyn La, who pleaded not to be quoted. Obviously, she took the loss hard. All the Weenies did, as they scapegoated the loss on the refereeing of Mark. C'mon folks, it's just a game.

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