COLUMN: Holding out for real heroes

From Sarah Giulian's, "From Under My Rock," Fall '96 From Sarah Giulian's, "From Under My Rock," Fall '96 Ani Difranco is my idol. Some of you will scoff at this admission, some will agree -- and some will just say, "Who?" I don't really care what you think of this folk singer-songwriter, though. She has been crucial for me in getting it straight. Unfortunately, our culture today has lost complete sight of positive role models like Difranco. Our superheros end up charged with murder, killing themselves, addicted to heroin, suing each other or spouting racist, sexist and other closed-minded remarks to the press. Those celebrities who are on the superhero track with a clean and tidy record are usually a little tough for us normal people to relate to. Itzhak Perlman, for example, may be the best violinist in the world, but he doesn't exactly inspire me. I'm not active in the sports world nor am I a sports fan, so that genre doesn't quite speak to me either. The same goes for entrepreneurs, biology wizards and even, for the most part, anyone in the film industry. So when I graduated from high school and an Ani Difranco tape fell into my lap, I listened. This might possibly be the best decision I've ever made. Inspiration is a necessity in life, especially during the early college years. We are all in the process of figuring ourselves out: who we are, who we want to be, what we believe, what we'll rebel against and what we like and don't like about ourselves. But not all of us are. When I step outside of myself and look at what I've done and who I've become over these past three years, I like what I see. If more college students could say they are exactly who they want to be, then the world would be a healthy place to live in. I owe a big chunk of my self-satisfaction to Difranco. Having her in my life for the last four years has been exactly the inspriation I've needed to get through bouts of depression, confusion, anxiety and anger. Her music has been one of my closest friends. But that's only half of it. A little over a week ago, she performed at Irvine Auditorium. I was amazed at how many people attended, how many die-hard fans were there who clearly regard Difranco as highly as I do. I had no idea there were so many of us. Every time I've seen Difranco perform, it's been a completely different experience. But one thing has been the same throughout every show -- the incredible high I get from it. I've never had a dose of thrill that lasts as long as the one I get when I see her play. I shiver, I cry, I laugh, I admire from afar and I smile ear to ear for hours, until my cheeks hurt. Inevitably, I find myself heaving a sigh of regret that it's all over. Plenty of people have heard Difranco's music and found it distasteful for whatever reason. I'm not looking to get in an argument over her talent or intelligence; to each his own. But there's nothing wrong with idolizing, admiring and being devoted to an artist or another kind of role model. Whether it's J.D. Salinger or Dennis Rodman, having a person in your life who you'll never meet, who doesn't even care that you're alive but who inspires you nonetheless, can be just what is needed for self-discovery. America's youth, especially today, need inspirational figures. It's just not as easy anymore to turn to the president or the movie stars. Celebrities are as individualized as we are, and it's tough to find the right match. Even then, though, mindless worshipping of a newfound hero is not the answer. We should continue to look at the people we admire and ask why. What is it that has drawn us to them? And, more importantly, what can we do to incorporate those mysterious qualities into our own lives, to leave us more satisfied with ourselves? Incorporating Ani Difranco into my life may have made me a little weird, but it has also made me full -- full and happy and complete.

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